Continuing in the spirit of reporting underrepresented women's sports, SteveAndTheTank.com bring you the latest entry into the local scene, Girls Only Pillow Fighting League, from Toronto, Canada.
After reading Linda's e-mail in mid January about the event, I immediately ordered eight tickets and tried to rally the Gang together. Scorers Mike, Johnny Versace, Peter, Linda, and I entered the Galapagos Art Space in Williamsburgh, Brooklyn. I sold the last minute "no show" tickets to the overcapacity crowd and covered the cost of my ticket. I am not only a blogger, but an entrepreneur. 
One of the great things about SteveAndTheTank.com is that you can be whoever you want to be. For instance, fashion designer Johnny Versace was killed almost a decade ago but comes back to live in a special afterlife experience performed by new friend John. Scorers Mike is none other than international playboy Mike. Scorers Mike currently dates an adult performer from the world famous Scorers Gentlemen's Nightclub.
To take a step back, you may ask yourself what is Girls Only Pillow Fighting League (GOPFL)? GOPFL is the Toronto based brainchild of Stacey P. Case. You may think of your sister and her friends who used to have slumber parties and playfully hit each other with their cute pillows when they were kids. Not here, these are grown women who are angry, studied martial arts, and ready to kick your arse. Be afraid, very afraid.
In preparation for GOPFL, I printed out profiles of each pillow fighter and studied each one. Linda and the Gang thought the Tank was a stalker but I am a well prepared blogger who takes his craft seriously. Would the Persian Princess from Tehran, Iran, fight tonight or would her love of "enriching uranium" keep her out of the country given the tense relations between the US and Iran?
The Tank's preparation paid off as he immediately identified Betty Clocker and her fellow competitors as they marched down the stairs from the attic by the Gang and myself to the main area of the
Galapagos Art Space.
"Good luck Betty!" I cheered. Betty smiled and waved to me. It's a tough job balancing journalistic integrity and being a fan of women's sports.
We get to the main area just in time as the rules are being explained. According to the website, the rules are as follows:
(1) Female pillow fighters only. No exceptions.
(2) Professional pillow fights are won via pinfall, surrender, or referee stoppage. If a pillow ends at the time limit with no winner, a winner is declared by a three-judge committee, using the traditional 10 point system. Pillow fighters are judged based on Style, Stamina, and the Eye of the Tiger.
(3) Pillow fighting is Fun. No biting, scratching, or hair pulling. Malicious intent and blatant disregard of your opponent's safety (or your own) may result in immediate suspension and/or dismissal from the League.
(4) Moth guards, knee pads and elbow pads are mandatory.
(5) Bearing in mind Rule #3, most anything goes in a pillow fight, as long as there is a pillow at the point of contact. Preventing your opponent's offense by holding her pillow is not allowed.
(6) Pillow fighters must practice good sportswomanship. No rude, lewd, or suggestive behavior.
(7) A pillow is not a weapon. Deliberately compressing the pillow fibres to increase the density of the pillow is not allowed. Loading a pillow with any foreign object is strictly forbidden.
Number One Contender Matches:
Professional Match #1: Jane Doe versus Sailor Gerri versus Roxxy Balboa.
Referee Matt Patterson blows his whistle and shouts "Fight Like a Girl!". The pillow fighters run into the ring to grab their pillows with the Girls Only Pillow Fight League labeled on them.
The action in the three way match is fast and furious. There is mixed martial arts combined with pillow fighting. You can't go wrong with that.
Sailor Gerri wins the three way match.
Professional Match #2: Ursula Anvil versus Lynn Somnia.
Being a sleep deprivation victim, Lynn Somnia yawns as she walks into the ring. Lynn Somnia awakens from her slumber to take Ursula Anvil down with a pile driver.
They exchange one handed pillow slugs. Lynn Somnia goes for the pin. "Put her in the sleeper hold!" Johnny Versace yells.
Close but no three count as the referee calls for a resumption of the action. Ursula Anvil recovers and puts Lynn Somnia in a headlock.
Lynn Somnia someone gets out of it, falls asleep on Ursula Anvil, and wins the "barn burner" of a match.
Professional Match #3: Boozy Suzy (sporting spiked hair) versus Scrapula.
"No biting" Scorers Mike and referee Sarah Bellum warn the fighters.
Scrapula fights with fangs in her mouth. Scrapula connects combos but starts to tire. Boozy Suzy gets in a quick headlock.
They roll around and Boozy Suzy has the upper hand. Scrapula's fangs come out. Real punches are thrown.
Random shouts like "Pile driver", "Figure 4", and even "Doggy style" are heard from the excited crowd.
The time limit is reached and there is no winner by pin fall. The judges score the match 10-9, 9-10, 9-9. Commissioner Stacey P. Case decides one more minute of fighting.
The crowd shouts "Let's Go Boozy!"
Boozy Suzy goes for the quick hit and sudden death pin. Suffocation. Scrapula's fangs are knocked out and Boozy Suzy gets the win. Referee Sarah Bellum announces the unanimous decision.
The announces prepares the crowd for amateur matches featuring women from the crowd. A desperate man (not me) shouts "What if you are a guy?" Sorry, sir, no pillow fighting for you.
Professional Match #4: Sarah Bellum versus Sister Resistor. Sarah Bellum has an opportunity for revenge from a previous bout. Sister Resistor has the height and weight advantage.
Sister Resistor goes for a crab pin.
A man shouts "Sarah Bellum, that's using your head!"
Sarah Bellum is good at parrying the blows. Sarah Bellum goes for the pin and takes Sister Resistor down twice.
Sister Resistor uses her size advantage to win 10-9, 9-10, 9-10 on the judges cards.
If it's any consolation, Sarah Bellum pictured below is my favorite pillow fighter.
As the Amateur Matches are about to begin, Linda escapes and goes for a beer. The amateur matches are only three minutes long.
Amateur Match #I: "Jersey Girl" versus "Orange Crush".
GOPFL Champain weighs in.
Jersey Girl gets off to fast start but Orange Crush slugs back. The referee warns Orange Crush about using her elbows.
As Linda returns from her beer run, Johnny Versace tells that "I'm going to sign you up as 'Luscious Linda'." Linda's eyes start rolling like slot machines.
As the action resumes, Orange Crush blocks the blow and rolls down Jersey Girl.
"Forget the pillows!" Scorers Mike shouts.
"Go back to Jersey!" Johnny Versace commands.
As the judges tabulate the score, the ring announcer asks "Was it harder than you thought?"
"Oh, yeah!" Jersey Girl responds. Orange Crush agrees with a "F*ck yeah".
In a split decision: 10-9, 9-10, 9-10, Orange Crush wins the match a GOPFL DVD.
Amateur Bout #2: Underage versus Sugar Gligghter wearing a reddish dress. Amazing.
"Why is the guy wearing an Elvis wig?" Someone asks.
Underage goes low and then high. They are too close to get extended blows.
"Eye of the Tiger" chant from the crowd.
Underage pushes away to try to break the stalemate.
"Take off your maternity dress!" an anonymous person yells.
"Fetal position!" Johnny Versace replies.
Sugar Gligghter is holds Underage down for the pin.
ESPN Magazine's Neil Janowitz is a celebrity judge.
Professional Match #5: Special two on one match: Trashley and Vic Payback VERSUS Eiffel Power the 8th Wonder of the World. Wow, she is taller than me and I am standing on chairs to cover the story for you.
Vic Payback pulls Eiffel Power's pillow while Trashley goes for the side slam. "Wishbone!" Scorers Mike shouts.
"Tear off her pants!" a woman yells (not Linda).
They finally pull her down. "Say it ain't so Eiffel!" Johnny Versace exclaims. Vic Payback gets the reverse pull down that Chris "The Crippler" Benoit would be proud of.
"Fight like the French!" Scorers Mike shouts.
Vic Payback and Trashley go for the two on one pin, get it, and win.
"Eiffel, I still love you!" Johnny Versace and Scorers Mike shout.
Professional Match #6: Carmen "Don't sleep with the door open" Monoxide VERSUS Lady Die: Lady Die is sporting black gloves. I wonder if the Cure or another goth band is sponsoring this match. Johnny Versace asks if it is his grandmother.
"Beauty versus the Beast!" Johnny Versace exclaims and he gets booed by the crowd.
They start slugging the pillows at each other.
After shouting "Kick her in the b*lls!" Johnny Versace is again booed by the crowd.
Both pillow fighters are worn out but somehow push on.
"Show her hair to mommy!" a stranger bellows.
Goes for a backwards pin. Arm bar and smother.
"Tickle her!" Johnny Versace quips.
The match ends and the judges score the match 10-9, 9-10, 10-9. Lady Die is victorious.
Professional Match #7: Betty Clocker versus Kilkelly.
Betty Clocker, the #1 contender from last night, is wearing her trademark apron versus Kilkelly wearing an Irish skirt with lucky charms.
Kilkelly gets off to a fast start with a take down.
"Betty is baking those cakes!" a stranger shouts.
Back and forth they go. Betty Clocker retaliates with a spear.
"Have her for lunch!" a stranger shouts.
"Betty, make me some shepherd's pie!" Johnny Versace bellows.
Betty goes for the smother but can't get the pin. Both go for the side take down. Betty falls on Kilkelly. Johnny Versace still wants shepherd's pie.
"Kilkelly Betty!" a stranger shows.
Both pillow fighters slug to the bell. The crowd chants Betty. Betty Clocker wins unanimously.
Amateur Match IV: Anna Conda versus Bonnie Bunny.
"I'm in love," Scorers Mike says. Now, I think that's a first. I'll have to double-check with Linda as she went to college with Scorers Mike.
"Bite me!" Johnny Versace beseeches.
Anna Conda hits Bonnie Bunny in the head. Bonnie Bunny returns with body blows.
"Sweep the legs!" someone coaches.
"Show her the venom!" Scorers Mike beckons.
"Show me that tongue again!" Johnny Versace pleads.
Anna Conda swings repeated blows and parries Bonnie Bunny's counter pillow attack.
This is like Rocky and Clubber Lang.
The referee has to catch the last blow as Anna Conda reloads.
"I just like to hit!" Anna Conda shouts.
"Rematch in my apartment," some guy exclaims.
10-9, Draw by Commissioner Stacey P. Case. Let's have a rematch in my apartment.
Amateur Match V: Pretty Pretty Princess versus Kuala Lampur versus Brooklyn.
I inform the Gang that he sees Extra Special Agent from Amateur Female Jello Wrestling near the doorway. Extra Special Agent and the Doom Maidens would clean up in the amateur or professional pillow fighting ranks. Are the Doom Maidens tonight's pillow fighting invasion angle?
Pretty Pretty Princess, Kuala Lampur, and versus Brooklyn.
The amateurs scramble to make alliances. First pin fall wins. The referee gives final instructions.
They start slugging Kuala Lampur.
"Go Southpaw!" a stranger shouts.
"Go for the throat" a woman in the crowd shouts. "Take her shirt off!" another woman shouts.
Pretty Pretty Princess won.
Amateur Match VI: Phlyliss Killer versus Southern Comfort versus Ninja the Bartender.
Sarah Bellum is your referee.
Chaos ensues as Ninja pushes off the alliance of Ninja and Southern Comfort. Ninja tries to kick out.
Ninja is pinned to the dismay of the crowd. They know who pours their drinks.
Amateur Match VII: Apillow Creed versus Axis of Evil versus Maj.
After the initial push and pull of pillows, Apillow and Maj get the upper hand. Maj then gets on top while the Axis of Evil slugs away.
In the words of WWE announcer J.R. (Jim Ross), it is a "slobber knocker."
The Axis of Evil bow out with a tooth ache. Therefore, it's down to Apillow versus Naj.
Apillow takes advantage of the break to reload to spin around and slug the Axis of Evil.
The judges score the match a draw, 10-9 Apillow, 10-9 Apillow.
Apillow spikes her pillow down like a football player spiking a football after scoring a touchdown.
Professional Match #8: The Semi Main Event: Scrapula versus Ursula Anvil for $100 Canadian.
Ursula Anvil extends early on. They alternate blows which causes a pillow malfunction. The referees send both fighters to their respective corners.
A couple of guys start chanting "Eye of the Tiger" and "Knock her teeth out".
Scrapula pulls down Ursula Anvil and then side slams her. Ursula Anvil reverses and pulls down Scrapula.
Scrapula somehow gets up and tries for the armbar. Her offensive continues with a leg pull and the match ends.
In the post match interview, Ursula Anvil thinks she is victorious and wants to buy beer and Scrapula wants to buy blood.
The judges score the match 10-9 Scrapula, 10-9 Ursula Anvil, and 10-9 Ursula Anvil.
Ursula wins by split decision and demands "American, NOT Canadian!" dollars. As pictured below, Ursula Anvil is a no-nonsense woman.
Professional Match #9: The Main Event: A demanage a tois of Sailor Gerri versus Lynn Somnia versus Boozy Suzy.
"Evil Elvis" is the celebrity judge for Champian.
Lynn Somnia puts out her cigarette in a cupcake. Boozy Suzy sporting a black eye and drinking a Grolsch beer.
Lynn Somnia and Sailor Gerri gang up on Boozy Suzy. Sailor Gerri swings to the top and Lynn Somnia swings down and behind Boozy Suzy. The pillow fighters are fast and furious in their efforts to become the #1 Contender for the GOPFL Championship Belt.
Scorers Mike shouts for the "Figure Four".
Sailor Gerri is on top while Lynn Somnia reties her boot.
"Sweep the leg Boozy!" a young lady behind me shouts.
Scorers Mike is rooting for Boozy Suzy. "What is that!" Scorers Mike surprisingly exclaims.
Boozy Suzy slugs Sailor Gerri who is trying to smother Lynn Somnia.
Sailor Gerri's back hurts and she needs to rehydrate during a brief break.
Boozy Suzy comes out swinging as the referee resets the action. Sailor Gerri and Lynn Somnia try to eliminate Boozy Suzy.
Lynn Somnia takes down Boozy Suzy. They roll around while Sailor Gerri pounds Boozy Suzy with repeated blows.
Sailor Gerri goes for the take down.
"Who wants it!" Scorers Mike exclaims.
Sailor Gerri pulls Boozy Suzy by the waist and pins her.
It's now down to Lynn Somnia versus Sailor Gerri. The crowd chants alternate between "Lynn" and "Sailor".
There is true sportswomanship as Sailor Gerri gives Lynn Somnia some water.
The referee gives the pillow fighters their cues and both come out swinging.
"Dude, there's blood on the pillow!" some guy behind me yells.
Lynn Somnia continues with one arm slugs and then goes for the take down. Sailor Gerri counters with a side headlock. Lynn Somnia somehow gets to her feet and takes down Sailor Gerri.
Lynn Somnia goes for the pin but it is off the mat and she falls asleep. OMG! But, she is Lynn Somnia after all. Sailor Gerri holds Lynn Somnia down for the pin.
With her win, Sailor Gerri is the #1 contender for Champaign's GOPFL championship belt on Friday, March 30.
Posted by the Tank reporting live from Galapagos Art Space in Williamsburg, Brooklyn.