March Madness got off to an early start when the Tank recently traveled to Mexico via Houston.  

After Jet Blue cancelled all flights to Houston on Saturday the 17th, the Tank was lucky to get the last seat on the whole plane in first class on a Continental flight on Sunday the 18th.
    
After taking a brief nap, the Tank listened to "No Doubt's" Greatest Hits and read an interesting cover story article in Time magazine about the abortion debate.  I didn't discuss it with anyone on the plane but debated it inside my head as I do with the death penalty and whether Pete Rose belongs in the Hall of Fame or not.   

Before long, I heard the ramblings of a striking blonde to my right, Leisha, who had too much to drink.  We struck up a conversation and she was telling me about her loser (now ex-boyfriend) named Tony who had stood her up in NYC.  (I wish I met her a few days earlier as I would have asked her to the Rod Stewart Valentine's Day concert.)  Not only did Tony stand her up, he took her ID and the keys to her Mercedes.   
                                 
Having unfortunately been stood up before, I could relate with Leisha's plight.  Using my newly identified Healer skills, I listened to her for the remainder of the flight.  Her story made me want to reprimand Tony the Jabroni.  Though I have been idiotic (at times) but you don't stand someone up in a hotel in some faraway city.  I guess this is why women become lesbians.

Anyway, Leisha continued to drink but I became concerned when she started showing me her bottles of uppers and downers.  She referred to the recent Anna Nicole Smith tragedy and I feared for a repeat of the same.  The parallel didn't end there as Leisha was also a 30 something blonde but with even more beautiful check bones and more natural than Anna Nicole.  Yes, the Tank notices and appreciates natural beauty as I am a sucker for blondes, brunettes, and red heads.
               
As we were about to land, Leisha grabbed my arm and exclaimed "Tell them you are my husband!"  Wow!  The uppers and downers she showed me were real I said to myself.  I ensured that she did not take any uppers or downers in my presence given her heavy alcoholic consumption.
                                              
She fixed her make-up and asked me to get a wheelchair because she claimed to have a broken leg.  She didn't as she kicked her leg in the air.  However, the Tank went along because she started to yell out that "The Captain has had a heart attack!" and "Let me out of here!"

Since Leisha was making a scene and not taking no or "shsh" for an answer from the Tank or the flight crew, I asked Sarah the Stewardess to get a wheelchair and I would transport Leisha to luggage claim where her friends Becca and Jodi would pick her up.
    
One of the ground crew got a wheelchair and I started to wheel Leisha away from the plane.  The Anna Nicole parallel got scarier after Leisha put on her oversized black sunglasses as we went to baggage claim.    
                                             
As the Tank coordinated with Leisha's friend Jodi to meet at Luggage Claim C6, Leisha's mobile phone died.  I asked Leisha for Jodi's number but it was the wrong area code as Houston has many more area codes than it used to like many metropolitan areas when I worked for the phone company about a decade ago.
    
While Leisha waited in the wheelchair for her luggage, I took my Blackberry charger out of my carry-on NYC Marathon nap sack.  The port was thankfully compatible to her Motorola phone and I charged it at the Information Booth.  I then asked for a luggage porter to transport her bags.  Leisha's mobile phone charged enough so I could get Jodi's correct phone number (Area Code 832, not 713) and asked her to meet-up at Luggage Claim C6.
 
Leisha screamed out that she wanted to ride the moving luggage carousel at Luggage Claim C6 like an amusement car.  I asked her to stay put in the wheelchair for just a little while longer (mere moments seemed like forever).
                                           
Everything thankfully converged together as Leisha's and my bags, the baggage porter, and Becca and Jodi arrived at almost the same time within a minute.  (Think of the chaotic scene at of the end of "Blues Brothers" as they converge upon the courthouse.)      
   
I tipped the baggage porter for taking Leisha's bags.  I then asked Jodi to monitor Leisha's medication as she had drunk heavily.  Becca wheeled away Leisha as Jodi thanked me and apologized.  No worries, the Tank replied.  Just trying to do a good deed and my duty as a gentleman.  Kind of balancing out Tony the Jabroni's treatment in some small way.

Posted by the Tank enroute to Houston from New York.

Relationship Advice | Travel

Monday, March 05, 2007 6:13:40 PM (Eastern Standard Time, UTC-05:00)
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After a very bad experience of drinking Jose Cuervo Tequila in the summer of 1993, the Tank threw up on a friend's floor that he was subletting from.  Since the Tank is the "world's heaviest lightweight drinker", I dared not challenge tequila's supremacy in any decade in the near future.
                               
Therefore, I employed the assistance of my Cozumel roommate, Michael from Utah, to sample tequila bottles for friends and family back home.  Michael happens to be of Japanese descent but many people think he looks Mexican and they started speaking to him in Spanish.

When Cozumel tequila vendors like the gentleman pictured below asked Michael if he would like to taste tequila, the Tank replied in Spanish that Michael would.  They were a little surprised that a gringo looking hombre like the Tank could speak Spanish.  Hey, five years of high school Spanish, a year of college Spanish, and travels to the Spanish speaking countries like the Dominican Republic, Puerto Rico, Mexico (Tijuana in 1996), and Argentina have served the Tank well.

Michael and the Tank continued to work as a flawless team as Michael sampled drinks and the Tank negotiated the best discounts for friends and family.  Since Michael is from Utah, he enjoyed himself as Utah is pretty restrictive on alcohol purchases because of Mormon control of the state.  For the record, the Tank doesn't have a problems with Mormonism as I would gladly forsake alcohol (empty calories and usually not good tasting tasting) and marry three wives as on the HBO hit show "Big Love".  Say no to alcohol and say yes to being married to Chloe Sevigny, Jeanne Tripplehorn, and Ginnifer Goodwin.  

El Tanque escribio en Cozumel y Nueva York.   

Relationship Advice | Travel

Saturday, March 03, 2007 3:02:23 PM (Eastern Standard Time, UTC-05:00)
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