Steve and the Tank! - Co-Ed Disco Crisco Twister

Monday, January 22, 2007

Welcome back to Arlene's Grocery for the first ever Co-Ed Disco Crisco Twister. A cameraman filmed Dana pouring and preparing the red colored Crisco to be used later.

Just before the Attorneys were about to start the show, the Tank checked the scores of the NFL Conference Championships. Damn you Rex Grossman for beating my beloved Saints! You will not only pay for my hair restoration procedure but put my nephew and five Godchildren through college. This is personal!

Go Colts! You better beat the Patriots.

Back to the show, the Attorneys played good straight up rock and roll! They are a three man jam. Tight lyrics and solid playing. Well rehearsed but did a good job on the fly of integrating Co-Ed Disco Crisco Twister lyrics. Kudos to Annie Rock for booking the best local up and coming bands.

"Stay" is their last song before the game begins. The crowd cheers in approval. If it weren't Co-Ed Disco Crisco Twister time, I wouldn't have a problem with these guys continue to "stay" and play on-stage. Well done gents! Attorneys you can like and trust. What a concept. :-)

The hosts are Colin and Jessica with help from lovely assistant Tiana, AKA "Santa's Little Helper" and "Ice Queen" from December 11 and January 14 editions of Amateur Female Jello Wrestling, respectively.

The DJ is Dr Rosen Rosen.

The teams are as follows:

Team Dork

Bootylicious Funkarama

The Stalkers of Tony Danza

Team Twister

Pretzel Pressure

Team Caboose (late entry as more people showed up).

It's time for the Co-Ed Disco Crisco Twister Theme.

Event #1: Musical Chairs.

Without further ado, it's time for the first game which is musical chairs is played just like you played it as a kid and there are 11 chairs for the dozen competitors per round.

(1A) First up, Team Dork versus Bootylicious Funkarama.

To the tune of the Attorneys playing Blue Oyster Cult's classic "Fear the Reaper" with official cow-bell man John from the Ramblers, the Co-Ed Disco Crisco Twister House band. Speaking of the Ramblers, the Tank is taken back to his youth of listening to country, roots, classical, new wave, and heavy metal music. In the past few years, I have gotten into the blues thanks to my buddy E.J. The Ramblers had a great set later in the show. John and the Tank would belt out Knight Ranger's "Sister Christian" later in the show. A kindred spirit indeed.

Back to musical chairs, round and round they go.

"Is it iTunes or the Attorneys?" Colin wonders aloud.

Whoever bet on the lady in red lost.

Late Entry: Team Caboose including Dana.

The guy in the Harvard sweatshirt won for Team Dork.

Team Dork takes the early lead.

(1B) The Stalkers of Tony Danza versus Team Twister.

As the Attorneys compete in musical chairs, DJ Dr Rosen Rosen plays the music. Dana insists on full participation for everyone.  Though honored to be the official Judge of the first ever Co-Ed Disco Crisco Twister, the Tank will also be participating.

Tiana and John from the Attorneys compete for a chair. They roll around on the floor and John wins.

In the post match interview, John apologizes to Tiana. Colin offers to dress John as a woman at the next AFJW so the Ice Queen can beat him in the ring. As Rod Stewart sings, "Some guys have all the luck".

(1C) Pretzel versus Team Caboose.

As Ace of Base's "The Sign" plays on, the Tank progresses from 12 down to the final five. I have redeemed myself from my recent hoola hoop performances. Musical chairs might be my new late adolescent sports calling. (OK, I am extending early middle age as much as possible as I am believer in anti-aging. More on that next week's health conference.)

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Round #2: Intimate Orange Relay Race Game.

The "Intimate Orange Relay Race Game" is a couple of hoola hoops (uh, oh) separated by chairs.

Dana brings out PBR (Pabst Blue Ribbon), the favorite beer of "Scorers Mike", Peter, and Captain Zorikh's. Paging Linda, your free beer is calling you. :-)

In the quick game break, the Tank checks NFL.com on his Blackberry for the following update:

"AFC Championship Game Score Check:
2nd Quarter:

Patriots 21 - Colts 3. (Darn you Brady and Belichick.)

1st 0:48 New England 7 - Indianapolis 3

A.Vinatieri kicks 71 yards from IND 30 to NE -1. E.Hobbs to NE 28 for 29 yards (Da.Reid, T.Hagler)."

As Colin and Jessica sing, their great stage presence flashes the Tank back to Meatloaf and Patti Russo at the Beacon a couple of summers ago.

Rules Explanation: Tiana and Dana to demonstrate the Intimate Orange Relay Race. You have to tuck the orange in your chin and hold it there, turn to your right, and pass it to your teammate's chin.  You can not use your hands.

Step 1: "Cut a hole in a box." No, seriously, put an orange between your chin and chest and pass to your partner.
Step 2: Hoola hoop three times and pass to your partner.
Step 3: Chair spinning three times and pass to your partner.
Step 4: Bounce the ball in the hoola hoop five times and pass to your partner.
Step 5: Five jumping jacks and pass the orange to your partner.
Step 6: Beer drinker has to hold the orange in between his/her chin and chest while drinking the beer.

If there was ever a SteveAndTheTank.com Team, Linda would be the anchor leg as she can drink any of these guys under the table.

(2A): Bootylicious Funkarama versus The Stalkers of Tony Danza.

The Tank is the final word. Point to the Stalkers of Tony Danza as the young lady had consumed almost every drop of beer as Bootylicious Funkarama's orange bounced away to the far side.

Team Caboose Strategy Session.

(2B) Team Dork versus Pretzel Pressure

Team Dork Wins and now has 2 points.

(2C) Team Twister versus Team Caboose

The Tank does well as he takes the orange from Dana spins around the chair and then passes it to Elissa a young lady to his left.

Team Caboose wins and pulls into a tie with Team Dork.

In the post match interview, Toby recounts his dad's musical chair lessons. A tear flowed down his cheek. I got a little choked up myself.

Round #3: Name That Tune

(3A) The Stalkers of Tony Danza versus Team Twister versus another team.

"We will Rock You" by Queen.

"Don't Believe the Hype" by Public Enemy.

"Blue Monday" by New Order (not the Orgy cover). Yes, the Tank knew the song immediately as it is in my running music by could not say it because I am the Judge after all. Kudos to Dr. Rosen Rosen who is starting to give Moldover a run for his money and starts to make the music harder.

"Baby Bitch" by Ween.

"Rio" by Duran Duran. One of the Tank's most favorite songs.

"Sign Your Name" by Terence D'Arby. Moldover, you have been equaled.

(3B) Team Caboose versus two other teams.

"Whip It" by Devo. The Tank answered this one almost instantly as it is also in my running music.

"Since You've Been Gone" by Kelly Clarkson for one of the other two teams.

"Dirty Diana" by Michael Jackson for Team Caboose.

"Thong Song" by Sisqo for Team Caboose.

"Look of Love" (Goonies Theme) by ABC for Team Caboose.

"Sissy Neck" by Beck. Draw as someone got the artist right but not the song.

"Strawberry" by ? Draw as no one got the song.

"Maniac" by Mark Sembello. The Tank knew the song but could not remember the artist so he did not guess.

Team Caboose wins the round and takes the lead with three points.

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Event #4: Co-Ed Disco Crisco Twister

Before the final event of the evening, it's time once again for the "Co-Ed Disco Crisco Twister" Theme song and Attorneys Set #3. Colin announced a missing earring which was not the Tank's. The Tank is too geeky for an earring. Anyway, the owner came up to stage and claimed it.

Rules Explanation: It's like the regular Twister you played as a kid (or still do) but with Crisco on the the Twister mat. Only two members per team were allowed to compete.

Dr Rosen Rosen plays Sister Sledge's "We are Family".

(4A) Pretzel Puzzle versus The Stalkers of Tony Danza

Left hand red
Right hand blue
Right foot red
Left foot green
Left foot yellow
Right foot yellow
Left foot green
Left foot red
Right hand yellow
Left hand blue
Left hand green
Left foot yellow
Right foot red as Colin adds Crisco to the Twister mat.
Left food green.
Left hand green
Right foot green
Left hand red
Playoff
Left foot green
Left hand red
Right hand yellow

Champion: Pretzel as "These Good Times plays"

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(B) Bootylicious Funkarama versus Team Caboose. Dana stretches out. Though fairly flexible, the Tank is too injured to compete.

Right foot yellow
Left hand blue
Right foot red
Right hand red
Left foot blue
Left foot green Even though I could have awarded the point to my team, Team Caboose, I am fair and call it like I see it. The Tank invokes the one person's knee was on others hand, or the Twister twist to the Madden Rule of "One Knee Equals Two Feet".
Left foot yellow
Left hand green
Right hand green
Right hand yellow
Left foot blue
Left hand red
Left foot green
Left foot red
Left foot yellow
Right foot blue
Right hand blue
Right foot green
Left hand blue "I was petrified" blares out.
Right foot red
Left foot red
Right foot blue
Left hand green
Right foot green - Dana is out. Whoa!
Left hand red
Left foot yellow
Right foot yellow
Left hand blue - Colin adds even more Crisco.
Right hand red
Left hand yellow
Right foot red "Get up and Boogie" captures the mood.
Left hand green
Left hand red
Left foot yellow

Bootylicious Funkarama won the point and beat my team, Team Caboose. However, kudos to Dana and CJ for competing well for Team Caboose!

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(4C) Team Twister versus Team Dork

Colin ups the ante even more by putting more red Crisco on the Twister mat.

Left foot yellow
Right foot green
Right hand blue
Left foot green - "Say What I've Got" plays.
Left hand green
Left hand yellow
Left foot red
Left foot blue
Right foot yellow
Left foot yellow
Left hand green
Right foot red
Right hand red - Colin adds more Crisco to the Twister mat.
Right foot blue
Right foot red
Right foot green - Colin offers Josh a chance to stay in the game if he removes his shirt. He does and gets to stay in the game after his foot slid off the mat.
Left foot red
Right hand blue
Left foot yellow - After her foot slid off of the spot, Colin was a true gentleman and fair minded like the Tank as he offered a female member of Team Twister the opportunity to remove her blouse and stay in the game. She unfortunately declined. Darn it!
Left hand green
Left foot red
Right foot green
Right foot blue
Left foot green
Right hand red
Left foot red
Right hand yellow
Right foot green
Right hand blue
Right hand green
Left foot yellow
Left hand green
Right foot red
Left foot red
Right hand blue
Right foot yellow
Right foot green
Left foot red
Right foot red
Right hand yellow
Left foot blue
Left foot yellow
Left hand yellow - Out of town Cleveland fans threw more Crisco on the mat. As Josh is her close friend and teammate, Melissa from Team Dork objects and scolds them like the third graders she teaches in her Brooklyn class. She almost sent them to the corner and had them put on dunce caps. Priceless!
Left hand red
Right hand blue
Left hand blue
Right foot blue
Right hand green
Left hand red

Since the game was so close and competitive, each team is awarded a point each.  The Tank has practiced yoga for over five years, but Josh is better than I am. Perhaps Josh practices LumberJack Yoga. :-)

Hey, this is real time commentary as I received the advertisement during the show. I am numerous mailing lists from Dick Morris' political updates to Lumberjack Yoga to Captain Zorikh. Though some people claim to have diverse interests, the Tank reads, writes about, and believes in diversity. When you have as many personalities and characters as I do, it's not hard. :-)

Therefore, Team Dork rallies to tie Team Caboose for the first ever Co-Ed Disco Crisco Twister Championship.

Final Score:
Team Caboose 3,
Team Dork 3,
Bootylicious Funkarama 2,
Team Twister 2,
The Stalkers of Tony Danza 1,
Pretzel Pressure 1.

The winning team huddles for the winning photo.

Kuntry Karaoke takes the stage. The Tank would stay to share his musical gift with the world. I have song karaoke on each continent (including Antarctica) but excluding South America. Another time mes amis but the Tank needs closure on the Colts-Patriots game that he was following on line while blogging.

Until Sunday, February 11, at Don Hills for Amateur Female Jello Wrestling and the next Co-Ed Disco Crisco Twister Sunday, February 18, at Arlene's Grocery, this is the Tank reporting live from Arlene's Grocery at 95 Stanton Street on the Lower East Side of Manhattan.

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The Tank popped into nearby Piano Bar for a bite to eat. Good burgers. You gotta love the Lower East Side!

While the Tank was blogging Co-Ed Disco Crisco Twister, Indy closes the gap to 34-31. Indy stops NE on 3rd and 4. Will Peyton Manning lead the Colts on the winning or tying drive?

The Tank yells out don't give Tom Brady too much time as Addai scores the go-ahead touchdown with a minute left and Adam "Mr. Clutch" Vinatieri kicks the extra point to give the Colts a 38-34 win.

Like Eli Manning cheering for his brother Peyton, the Tank is cheering for his younger brother Milan and his team, the Colts. I have to give him major props for staying with the Colts through thick and thin. He vowed that they were going to be in the Super Bowl and they are almost there.

Will Tom Brady counter with his own 80 (technically 79 and change) yard drive?

No, as Brady is intercepted a few plays later. Woooo!

Peyton Manning slays his dragons and the Colts come back from a 21-3 deficit, the largest in Conference Championship history.

Congratulations to Milan and the Colts! The Colts were also my pre-season Super Bowl Champion, just one more game to go God Willing. Most importantly, I am rooting for Colts Coach Tony Dungee, his family, and his late son James, R.I.P. Go Colts!
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Until Sunday, February 11, at Don Hills for Amateur Female Jello Wrestling and the next Co-Ed Disco Crisco Twister Sunday, February 18, at Arlene's Grocery, this is the Tank reporting live from Arlene's Grocery at 95 Stanton Street on the Lower East Side of Manhattan.