Steve and the Tank! - Puerto Rican Day Co-Ed Disco Crisco Twister

Wednesday, June 13, 2007

Puerto Rican Day Co-Ed Disco Crisco Twister

Welcome back to the world's greatest kids games played by adults, Co-Ed Disco Crisco Twister. Sunday's contest was held at Henrietta Hudson's, a West Village lesbian bar. I have never been to a lesbian bar before but do so for loyal readers like you.

Joseph and Tiana are your emcees. DJ Skintight spins the tunes. Chicara is your bartender; please tip her generously. The mostly female audience is buzzing with excitement and bonding.

Game #1 Musical Chairs:

Team Boobgrabbers versus Team Fabulous:

DJ Skintight starts off with "Get down on it". Marilyn from Team Boobgrabbers and Aaron from Team Fabulous are the two most ferocious. Marilyn says she is going win because she is "a lesbian" and Aaron says he is going to win because his stepmom is Puerto Rican. (BTW, Happy Puerto Rican Day!). As the music stops and Aaron has the advantage by being on the chair first, Madelin tips the extra high bar chair and Aaron and his chair down to the floor. And you thought I played Musical Chairs rough. Aaron is thankfully not hurt.

Tiebreaker: Ever the gentleman, Aaron concedes to Madelin.

Boob Grabbers 1, Team Fabulous 0.

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Team Virgins versus Team Dana:

DJ Skintight spins Queen's classic "Fat Bottom Girls", I make the Final Four and the last player on Team Dana.

Valerie from Team Virgins win the point.

After Game #1, Team Boobgrabbers - 1; Team Virgins - 1; Team Dana - 0; Team Fabulous - 0.

Game #2 Intimate Orange Relay: "The Name of the Game is Pass the Orange".

You have to pass the orange from one person to another while keeping the orange tucked between your neck and chin. The orange can not hit the floor or you have to go back to the beginning.

Team Boobgrabbers versus Team Fabulous:

The orange drops between the jumping jacks and basketball bounce for Team Fabulous. Church rocks the house as the beer anchor leg and leads Team Virgins to victory.

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Team Dana versus Team Boobgrabbers: I am the beer drinking leg so you gotta an idea of how this is going to go. It actually didn't even get that far as the orange fell on the transfer between Alyona and myself.

Team Dana loses to Team Boobgrabbers who now have two points.

Game #3 Flip Cup:

It's the same drinking game from yesteryear. Take a drink, flip the cup, and then go to the next player, etc. The players are practicing in this photo.

Team Virgin versus Team Boobgrabbers: Team Boobgrabbers are talking lots of smack. Nelly is an enthusiastic Puerto Rican woman who taunts her male and female opponents alike to beat her in Flip Cup. "Mira!" indeed.

DJ Skintight spins Ace Frehey's classic "New York Groove". Allan has trouble flipping the cup. Timeout because lots of newcomers need to clarify the rules. They needed to continue going down the line instead of celebrating with one another.

"You are strong!" Nelly shouts to her Boobgrabber teammates as the action is restarted.

Team Boobgrabbers almost lost their big lead but wins the match.

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Team Dana versus Team Boobgrabers: Some people go home to watch the Sopranos Finale (ending sucked) and the NBA Finals (the Spurs won in a rout), so the teams consolidated and most everyone (except me) likes drinking.

Everyone wants to play. Since I am "the world's heaviest lightweight drinker", I am not picked for this game.

On the other hand, Church is recruited into the game for his drinking prowess. Without fail, Church chugs his beer to start the game.

Two unnamed competitors in the middle were bogged down in flipping the cup.

Team Boobgrabbers wins and is up to four points.

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Game #4: Name That Tune: Self-explanatory.

"We're Not Going to Take it Anymore" by Twisted Sister. Since no one knew it right away, I led the group in song and everyone picked it up a moment later.

"Tainted Love" by Soft Cell. Everyone knew it right away and we sang it together.

"Runaway Train" by Soul Asylum.

"Good Thing" by The Fine Young Cannibals.

"Ice, Ice, Baby" by Vanilla Ice.

"Faith" by George Michael. Allan, Tiana, and I lead the bar in song.

"Twist" by Chubby Checker. I am the only one who knew this. Come on people, I am not that much older than you. It's a classic made even before I was born.

I didn't have a clue on the next two songs nor did anyone else.

"Party All the Time" by Eddie Murphy.

Game #5: Co-Ed Disco Crisco Twister: The main event.

Tiana, Valerie, Shea, and Nelly are first to the mat.

Right hand blue
Right foot red
Left foot yellow (Nelly falls off.)
Left hand blue
Left foot green (Valerie is showing off her yoga skills and staying on the mat with ease.)
Left hand green
Right foot yellow (Nelly claims Valerie is cheating with socks on. Dana rules that it is harder with socks on.)
Right foot red (Tiana is distracted by beautiful bodies all angles but somehow soldiers on.)
Right hand red (Valerie's advantage is that she is tall and flexible.)
Left hand blue
Right hand green
Left foot red (Shea slipped and Tiana couldn't do it.)

Valerie is the champion. Joseph asks her how she won, "I'm sorry I'm flexible."

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Wife versus Wife Match: Nelly and Julia have been together for a few years now but go to the mat in some friendly competition.

Right foot yellow ("No fighting" Dana tells them to leave it for Amateur Female Jello Wrestling on Father's Day, June 17, at 8 p.m. at Crash Mansion. We'll be back at Henrietta Hudson's for Amateur Female Jello Wrestling on Sunday, July 29.)
Left hand yellow
Right hand green
Left hand blue
Right hand red
Right foot blue
Left hand green
Left foot red
Left hand green (Nelly slips and is eliminated. Julia wins the battle of the wives.)

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Nametagless Group: Bunch of people without name tags from the bar start their own game.

Left foot green
Right hand yellow
Left foot blue
Right hand red
Right hand blue
Right foot green
Left foot blue
Left foot yellow
Left hand green
Left foot red
Right foot red

Unnamed Lady with the Yankee hat wins. "The Yankees win! The Yankeeeesssss win!"

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Since Dana is wearing a skirt, Allan notices that her panties match her skirt. Many of the ladies look to double-check. I was on the other side of the bar and remained a gentleman.

Right hand yellow
Right hand blue
Left foot blue
Left foot red (Tiana and Valerie are eliminated.)
Right hand yellow
Right foot blue
Right hand yellow
Right hand red
Right hand blue
Left hand yellow
Left foot red (Dana slips and is eliminated.)

Alyona wins.

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Men's Round: Joseph, Church, Allan, and Joe. Due to running injuries, I do not compete.

Right foot green
Left hand blue
Left hand red
Left foot yellow
Left hand yellow
Left hand green
Right hand green
Left foot red (Church slips and falls. Good job!)
Left hand red
Right foot green
Right foot red (Allan slips.)

Joseph is your champion.

Championship Round: Drink Ticket goes to the winner.

Dana, Tiana, Allan, and person without a name tag compete.

Left foot blue
Right hand blue
Left foot blue
Right foot yellow
Right hand blue
Right hand red
Left foot green
Left hand red
Right foot red (Allan and Dana tangle up)
Right hand yellow (Allan "feels the strain" of the mat but "hanging in there" while interviewed.)

Right hand yellow
Left hand blue
Right hand green (Allan and Dana fall and Tiana slips.)

Person without a name tag wins the drink ticket.

Final Score:
Team Boobgrabbers - 4; Team Virgin - 2; Team Dana - 0; Team Fabulous - 0. Congratulations Team Boobgrabbers!

Until next time, this is the Tank reporting live from Henrietta Hudson's in the West Village of NY. Photos by Brian Van.