Problem: To boot, the Knicks are saddled with Steve "Team Cancer" Francis, "Starbury", and Eddie Curry.  I thought manning the Baseball Suicide Hotline and Corporate Crisis Hotline was bad enough; ESPN 1050 AM hosts Max Kellerman and Stephen A. Smith openly questioned the underperforming Knicks on their radio shows earlier this week.  For instance, Kellerman preferred that Curry succumb "to a heart attack and die on the court" rather than not hustle on defense.  Stephen A.'s critique was slightly less critical in promising to "crucify" Marbury if he ever refers to himself as "Starbury" ever again without backing it up. 

Solution: The Tank almost witnessed the Knicks first home victory against the LeBron James and the Cavs a couple weeks ago in a close 102-96 loss.  A couple of days later, Steve took his sister, Carol, and her children, Matthew and Allison, to the Knicks first and only home victory over the Wizards.

Since the Knicks have not yet accepted my earlier business plan to the Knicks owner James L. Dolan for my Danish friend Tina to travel back to the City as she witnessed the Knicks first home victory last season, I propose that Steve, his sister and her children be the Knicks official good luck charms.  Under terms to be disclosed publicly at a later date, I have built in incentive clauses for each victory that Steve/Carol/Matthew/Allison attend that will ensure (1) happy Knicks fans and critics, (2) a fuller and more profitable Madison $quare Garden, and (3) the financial security of Steve, his loved ones, and The Tank, their fearless and reasonable agent.  If the Knicks win five home games out of the next 34 home games this season, Matthew and Allison are going to be the earliest retirees in their grade school classes.  Thundersticks for all their classmates.

Dear Mr. Dolan,

You are currently paying $62 million to players no longer on your team and thus they can not help you win.  I have the "good luck charms" solution to help the Knicks win their home games, boost attendance and increase revenue for you.  Please "focus" on the Knicks for a mere moment instead of your mid-life crisis rock band, accept the mutually beneficial terms (legalese not included to bore our beloved readers), and sign on the dotted line -- many thanks in advance.

Sincerely and Go Knicks!

The Tank

Posted by an anxious and hopeful Tank in NY.