Steve and the Tank! - Kathleen Wonders Aloud if Cheerleaders Add Value at the NIT Season College Basketball Tip-Off

Kathleen Wonders Aloud if Cheerleaders Add Value at the NIT Season College Basketball Tip-Off

My cousin's friend, Zoran, and I arrived at a near empty Madison Square Garden to watch the semi-finals of the NIT Season Basketball best of 16 team tournament this past Wednesday evening. Perhaps the Knicks' pathetic performance on Tuesday evening against the Golden State Warriors scared away everyone except the hardiest of basketball souls like Zoran and myself. Steve and Kathleen would join us later.

Zoran and I made the most of it as the Texas A&M Aggie Cheerleaders warming up kept us going.

The Aggies pulled away late in the game to win 77-63.

Steve and Kathleen finally arrived for the main event, Syracuse versus Ohio State, in the nationally televised game.

I rarely root against the Buckeyes but I must focus on the young Orangemen, the home area team of my early years. The Buckeyes were in the National Final last season and I picked their point total exactly, 75, but Florida scored 84 instead of 73.

Syracuse and Ohio State opened hitting three point shots but the momentum turned when Eric Devendorf was called for a senseless technical foul. Ohio State drew away as the first half closed and took at 42-34 lead at halftime.

"If you're not excited by this, go home and watch knitting," Steve said to Kathleen. I hope this tension was NOT caused by me putting Steve on the spot to propose to Kathleen two night's earlier.

As the Ohio State cheerleaders cheered during halftime, Kathleen and I discussed some Kirsten Dunst's best pre Spiderman work in the cheerleading classic "Bring It On". It's a story of Dunst initially sternly leading a "cheerocracy" and having a change of heart later in the movie. I won't ruin it for you if you haven't watched it but it is an important
reference point for tonight's post and a good movie too. :-)

Kathleen is opposed to cheerleaders because of so-called lack of athleticism. She originally refused to be quoted for SATT but later said that they "[a]dd no value."

Though Kathleen enjoyed the movie, she doesn't like cheerleaders in general and Ohio State's in particular. I politely disagreed as part of my gentlemanly duty and rushed to the defense of cheerleaders. I think they have to be in great shape to jump around and do cartwheels. I'm athletic but could you see me doing splits? No and I don't think you
would want me too either.

After halftime's fascinating halftime debate, both teams retake the court for the second half. Syracuse makes a 9-4 run until the 16 minute (15:47) TV timeout to 46-43.

Steve dislikes chairs on the court. No, we're not talking about former Indiana Coach Bob Knight who used to throw chairs onto the court during games. But, Ohio State takes chairs on court to meet with greater privacy during the timeout. Steve is also against the drafting non seniors. Given my stand against cigarettes and Steve's stance against drafting non senior athletes, we maybe targets of assassination attempts from the tobacco lobby and the NCAA and pro leagues, respectively. Our administration may be short lived, it will be one based on patriotism and principle. We have the guts to make the tough calls that other candidates don't because we are real New York baseball fans and they answer to special interests not the people. Steve's tenure maybe shorter than mine as he has called for a ban of all dogs in NYC. This will no doubt force Linda to sick her dog Jake on Steve. For the record, I am a pro-dog, especially Jake who looks like my boyhood dog Simon. However, I will step up dog curbing enforcement as I almost stepped in a huge dog pile walking down Columbus and 81st Street the other day.

The game restarts and Syracuse can't hit any shots. Darn it!

But before you know it, another TV timeout.

"The six pack of Gatorade is wrong!" Steve screams out as the Ohio State water boy carries plastic bottles of Gatorade to the players.

"No cooking utensils on the court!" David a Syracuse fan near us yells.

Back to the action. Steve wants the Buckeye free throw percentage written up. It's about 100 percent so I ask him to stop paying attention to it and it thankfully drops to 70 percent.

Ohio State hits a three point dagger to make it 67-52 with 8:02 remaining in the second half.

Another TV timeout.

The Ohio State cheerleaders retake the court including Brutus the Buckeye and male cheerleaders. You may not like male cheerleaders but it's the law that Steve and I will be elected to enforce. It maybe a strange reverse interpretation of Title IX. If you don't like male cheerleaders, vote Steve and The Tank for Vice President and President, respectively, and work to get it changed. Thank you very much for your support.

Brutus the Buckeye does one armed pushups to the chagrin of Kathleen.  "Someone needs to kick the sh*t out of the chestnut," Kathleen added.  Has she been drinking? Is she jealous?

"Let the chestnut play for two minutes," Steve said with the hopes of his lack of vision would let the Orangemen back in the game.

Back to the action. Eric Devendorf finally hits a three point shot to close it to 72-60. Devendorf is a good basketball player but no Gerry McNamara, a recent Cuse star who went on to play professionally in Europe. McNamara single handedly carried the Cuse to the Big East Tournament Finals with clutch shooting in the 2005 and 2006 which I witnessed first hand. Devendorf has to stay within himself, increase his free throw percentage, and keep his cool.

David's girlfriend Erica weighs in on the cheerleading issue as she thinks cheerleaders "just make noise and are not synchronized."

Ohio State unfortunately holds on and wins the game 79-65.

Bottom Line:

"Skin or skirts?" Steve from South Tennessee in front of us said.  Tennessee Steve is referring to the fact that the NIT Finals will feature the "skin" of the Texas A&M cheerleaders versus the "skirts" of Ohio State. (Postscript: Texas A&M won 70-41 on Friday.)

Texas A&M and Ohio State won and they had cheerleaders while the Huskies and Orangemen did not. Therefore, the evidence suggests that my argument is correct and Kathleen's is incorrect. However, it is a small statistical sample. Therefore, I must travel the country interviewing cheerleaders to see if they add value.

Youth voting levels are low and this is a perfect opportunity to meet young voters and get their vote as I run for President. I will also conduct important in depth research to prove or disprove Kathleen's premise.

In the meantime, I appreciate all beauty -- outer and inner, as my buddy Tony Robbins taught Jack Black in the movie "Shallow Hal".  Therefore, I may ask all the female Buckeye female cheerleaders to marry me.  In the spirit of equal time, I will also propose to all the Aggie female cheerleaders pictured behind me. :-)