Dara, Congratulations on winning medals over the years and making the USA and whole world proud!

I know you have been divorced twice in the past.  Would you please consider marrying The Tank?  Your partner David might mind but hey, you're technically not married and I'm running for President and I'm single.  We haven't had a bachelor President since James Buchanan.  So, how about please helping me on the road to the White House? 

OK, maybe not, but I'll settle for a swimming lesson as I almost drowned when I was 10 and 18 years old.  My Vice President Steve will be too busy to take over the Presidency because he'll be the Mets next General Manager and still be traveling to places like NotNewYorkStan. 

Love!
Your Biggest Fan - The Tank

P.S. I want to confess to my readers that I write in the best loving traditions of the Onion's "Smoove B".  Have you ever seen The Tank and Smooth B in the same place at the same time?  Coincidence, I think not.

P.S.S. Congratulations to Michael Phelps on becoming the greatest athlete of all time in winning eight gold medals in a single Olympics!  Congratulations are also in order to Phelps' competitor, Milorad Cavic, who almost won by .01 of a second.  Milorad is from California but swims for Serbia.  Milorad was punished by the European Federation for wearing a "Kosovo is Serbia" t-shirt written in Cyrillic during the European Championships.  Bravo Milorad for standing up for the right thing!  Kosovo is Serbia! 

Posted by Smoove B / The Tank in Olympic Loveland.