 Monday, October 16, 2006
Jello Wrestling, Ariana Huffington, The Departed, The Mets, Staten Island Half Marathon, and the New York Times Great Read in the Park (The Tank's Six Degrees of Separation)
The items in the subject may not appear to be related but they do in The Tank's Six Degrees of Separation. While preparing for the Staten Island Half Marathon, the Tank relaxed and read an article about fellow blogger albeit political (1) Arianna Huffington in " New York Press". In that same issue of NYP, there was an ad for the jello wrestling. Being the investigative journalist that I am, I flagged the ad and put it on my To Do List. But, first, Sunday started early as the Tank braved the winds of the (2) Staten Island Half Marathon wearing a ski mask. At Mile 8, Fred's Team Coach Jeff Rochford ran up and asked me "Do you think we're in Antarctica?". It was good catching up for a few minutes as we were running along. My hamstring was tight but I thankfully finished, touch wood. Most importantly, a big mega thanks to everyone for helping me reach my NYC Marathon fundraising goal for cancer research at Memorial Sloan-Kettering Cancer Center. If you wish to donate, please click on the following link -- many thanks in advance. Next stop, the ferry ride back to the gym in the City for a much needed shower. Though I was late for Church services, I stopped by coffee hour and said hi to some friends. God forgive me but if I was as fast as the Kenyans, I would have made it but didn't. (3) Next stop, the New York Times Great Read in the Park. In Bryant Park, I sought out maverick real estate author Frank McKinney to congratulate him in person for finishing the Badwater 135, the toughest running race in the world. Unfortunately, his autograph session finished and he was off to another event in Florida. Darn it! (4) There is a great deal of buzz around " The Departed" and the Tank had to see it. Jack Nicholson, Leonardo DiCaprio, Matt Damon, Mark Wahlberg, Martin Sheen, and Alec Baldwin gave great performances. Vera Farmgia can be my psychiatrist any day of the week; I have lots of issues and will require years if not decades of therapy. "The Departed just joined " Talladega Nights" as a Tank Movie of the Year (TMY) nominee. I won't ruin the plot as this entry is long enough -- just see the movie, you'll love it. In the best traditions another Will Ferrell classic " Old School", the Tank finds (5) jello wrestling in the City live from Arlene's Grocery on 95 Stanton Street in Manhattan's Lower East Side. The Amateur Female Jello Wrestling advertisment declares "Join Our Feminist Fight Club!" Is this the new stage of feminism? What do feminist leaders like Gloria Steinem and Camille Paglia think of jello wrestling? These are questions for another day. The most important question of the moment is if Foxy Red will be able to reclaim her Amateur Female Jello Wrestling crown after taking some time off.
As there were many female wrestlers, I'll use lots of names in the running commentary. I have been known by several nicknames, characters, and personalities but the Headmaster and his crew take the whole backery. The Headmaster of Our Lady of Perpetual Charity Academy is also known the Death Star Repairman. In wrestling speak, he is great on the microphone. His main site is DoomMaidens.com featuring Female Action Heroes and Wrestlers. The Headmaster's girlfriend is Jolie Voltaire (AKA the Gladiatrix) who was unfortunately nursing a back injury from a film shoot and couldn't wrestle. The Dread Pirate Arabella is also known as Jenny Rancid as well as other characters. The Virgin Scary is as known as Kim Fu Yu.
Please find the following list of matches soon to be broadcast live on HDNet Channel on Time Warner Cable. Without further ado, let's get ready to rumble!
I think Foxy Red beat Little Red in the first match. I worked my way to ringside after the first few matches as it was crowded.
The mustached Butch Cleavage defeated by the Italian Princess of Power. Pythagoras defeats the Dread Pirate Arabella. Pusilalai defeated by the Falcon. Managed by the Headmaster who talks like "Mouth of the South" Jimmy Hart and Leaping Lanny Poffo and looks like "Million Dollar Man" Ted DiBaise, the Virgin Scary calls the Dread Pirate Arabella a "lesbian". The Dread Pirate Arabella defeats the Virgin Scary. After her loss, the Headmaster spanks the Virgin Scary three times with a ruler. Stella defeats the newbie Jungle Kitten. "Not a good night for the cats" as Nick or the other play-by-play commentator stated. Delta Delta Delta Debbie defeats Butch Cleavage. Delta Delta Delta Debbie thanks all her sorority sisters except the one who stole her boyfriend. The Italian Princess of Power beats the Falcon to take her second match. Cat Fight: Pusilai versus the Jungle Kitten. Jungle Kitten wins by a pin fall to even her record at one match each. After a brief intermission, the lady wrestlers are back. During the intermission, the Tank went to the bodega next door to check on the (6) Mets score as well received updates from Steve and checked on my Crackberry. The Mets win 12-5 to tie the NLCS at two games each. Let's Go Mets! Little Red is pulling Charity's hair. Back and forth we go. Hip tosses, small package (legit wrestling move), jello throwing, reverses, and even breast grabbing ("titty twisters" by Little Red according to Charity.) Pythagoras, newly minted member of the Our Lady of Perpetual Charity Academy wrestlers managed by the Headmaster, wrestles against Cherry Bomb. Cherry Bomb wants a kiss from her opponent. Pythagoras gives out a great math (Pi, Cosine, etc.) sign cheer before the match. Cherry Bomb wins. Foxy Red versus the Italian Princess of Power. Dana Sterling, the founder and referee of the Amateur Female Jello Wrestling, asks the Tank for the time of day (night) literally to keep track of the matches. "I am not only a reporter, I am a time keeper." Foxy Red wins by pin fall. After spanks to Butch Cleavage (who likes it), Delta Delta Delta Debbie pulls off Butch Cleavage's mustache and then pins her. The Tank and Jungle Kitten high five before the match against Dana. The Jungle Kitten wins and they kiss after the match. Cherry Bomb rolls into the ring and takes down Virgin Scary. Virgin Scary taps out and they make out in ring. Cherry Bomb and the Tank high five after the match. Delta Delta Delta Debbie versus Foxy Red. This quickly becomes a WWE style bra and panties match. Delta Delta Delta Debbie's shirt comes off, then Foxy Red's skirt. After several reversals, Foxy Red pins Delta Delta Delta Debbie. The Pirate Arabella versus Jungle Kitten in the mystery round. A female fan cheers for some "pirate booty". I can't make this stuff up. The Pirate has a wardrobe malfunction with an exposed breast. She recovers to pin the Jungle Kitten. In the post-match commentary, the Pirate challenges all comers. Moldover.com does a great job of deejaying the event. While Foxy Red pins Cherry Bomb while the Jakons play on. The Jakons' next show is at Baldwin 69 next Saturday, October 21. In the championship finale, the Dread Pirate Arabella against Foxy Red. Foxy Red attempts a form of the huaracana but slips. The Jakons bassist jams next to the ring while the rest of the band plays on the stage. Dread Pirate Arabella tries an arm bar and then a clothesline. Dread Pirate pins Foxy Red and a new champion is crowned just real wrestling on TV. The Tank informs Foxy Red of same. The band Jakons crank a great finale. In the post-match celebration, someone discovers that Dread Pirate Arabella is unfortunately black and blue under one eye but thankfully okay.
The next Amateur Female Jello Wrestling events are 8 p.m. on Sunday, November 12 at Arlene's Grocery and Sunday, December 10, at Arlene's Grocery.
Posted by the Tank live from ringside at Arlene's Grocery in NY.
Sunday, October 15, 2006
You Gotta Believe!
I’m not on the ledge at all. Losing the 3rd starter since October 1 is just another obstacle the Mets have to face that will make the World Series that much more sweet. It also just makes the rally cry that much longer: “Do it for Pedro, Orlando, and Steve!”
I’m proud of what the Mets have done so far and think that they can still manage to string together three more wins against the Cardinals. Facing the impossible is what being a Mets fan is all about. If you don’t believe me, just ask Bill Buckner.
Posted by Steve in New York.
Saturday, October 14, 2006
Fearless Football Picks
Pro:
Giants lose in a close game at the Falcons.
Jets win but can't overlook the down but not out Dolphins.
Bills win at Detroit but the Lions are due and this concerns me.
College:
Florida at Auburn: Florida has the momentum and undefeated record but go into Auburn who was upset last week. It can't get closer than Florida at Tennessee early in the season which the Tank picked. I tossed and turned on this pick and Florida beats the 2 point Vegas line and wins 21-17. I wouldn't be surprised if it is settled in overtime.
Posted by The Tank in NY.
Jon Stewart throws like a girl
Since the Tank is running low on vacation days (burned a valuable vacation day during Wednesday night's rainout), Linda's Mom is going in my place.
As tonight's guest blogger Linda noted in the title, Comedy Central's Jon Stewart threw out the first pitch like a girl. He must spend more time on his comedy than practicing his pitching. CNBC's Maria Bartiromo and even President Bush in Game 3 of the 2001 World Series (who Stewart is often critical of) are better pitchers than Stewart.
Reyes gets on base with a lead-off double off defending. Lo Duca grounds out to defending NL Cy Young Award winner Carpenter and advances Reyes to third. Beltran walks on a 3-1 count. Delgado hits a three run home run toward left-center field and into the new stadium. Mets 3 - Cardinals 0. Wright works out a walk. Shawn Green advances him to second.
The Cardinals counter in the top of the second after Molina doubles in Edmonds and Encarnaction who both walked. Mets 3 - Cardinals 2.
To start the top of the second, Chavez doubles, Maine sacrifices him, and Reyes singles him in. Mets 4 - Cardinals 2.
The "young couple" to the left where I would have been sitting say hello. Hi guys! I wish I was there (rather than work).
After a walk to Pujols, Edmonds hits a two run home run that just clears the fence to left-center field. Mets 4 - Cardinals 4. Willie Randolph needs to call Linda's Mom before it's too late because she kept score last night and has knows the Cardinals tendencies.
Activity in the Mets bullpen.
To start the bottom of the third, Delgado grounds out to Eckstein. Wright works out a walk. Green works a 3-2 count. Green "increases the pitch count and increases the peace" (Tank) by fouling off a couple of pitches to work out a walk. The struggling Valentin grounds out into a double play. Still Mets 4 - Cardinals 4.
Eckstein and Carpenter walk. Lo Duca throws the ball away according to the radio but Linda says I jinxed Valentin. (I said that Valentin is a better defensive player than A-Rod who would have grounded out into a quadruple play given his luck.) Anyway, Maine thankfully works out of trouble.
Chavez grounds out to open the fourth. PH Tucker (for Maine) gets Hit By a Pitch. Reyes grounds to Eckstein but beats out the throw at first. Lo Duca grounds out to end the fourth, still Mets 4 - Cardinals 4.
Chad Bradford starts the fifth to face King Albert Pujols. Pujols grounds out to Reyes. Edmonds flies out to left-center. Spiezio flies out to Chavez.
To start the fifth, the Tank needs to go to the restroom. 
Upon the Tank's return, Linda text messages that Delgado hits another home run to make up for the one that he hit earlier in the game while her Mom was stuck in traffic. Mets 5 - Cardinals 4.
Molina singles with two outs. Carpenter is called back to the dugout and Rodriguez is called to pinch hit. Willie comes out to pull Bradford. Will the lawyerly Tony La Russa do a double switch? Nope and Rodriguez grounds out to Wright. (La Russa received his J.D. from Florida State but never practiced law. "'I decided I'd rather ride the buses in the minor leagues than practice law for a living.'" Wow, this guy is smart and honest. ) Speaking of lawyers, I received a call from our Midtown office around this time about a videoconferencing issue on 37. I tried to talk them through the issue but they were NOT try to videoconference another office; they are actually Mets fans trying to watch the game. I update them on the score and they go down to the conference room on 36 which also has a TV (which thankfully worked, touch wood because I could not leave our downtown office and I didn't want to wake Dominician Luis up to go there but would have 36 didn't work.).
Sheila E.'s " Love Bizarre" plays in between innings.
Hancock strikes out Hernandez. Future UN Secretary General Jose Reyes works out a walk. Since Hancock is much more deliberate than Carpenter even from the stretch, will Reyes try to steal? On an 0-2 count, Lo Duca doubles down the left field line and Reyes scores. Mets 6 - Cardinals 4 as the Cardinals go to the bullpen and bring out Flores. Beltran grounds out to Belliard and Lo Duca advances to third. Delgado grounds out to Belliard. At the end of six, Mets 6 - Cardinals 4.
Mota comes out to start the seventh. Mota gets the first two batters out but Pujols lines down the left field line but held to a single. Edmonds is walked. Spiezio hit a ball to right. Did it clear the fence? Tony La Russa thinks so and the umpires confer. The WFAN review the video replay and say Steve's favorite Shawn Green saves a home run. Spiezio is awarded a triple and the game is tied 6-6.
After Wright flies out and Green grounds out, Valentin singles to break out of a slump. Chavez is out to end the inning. Still tied at 6 at the end of 7 innings.
Heilman works out of "water torture" trouble according to Linda in the top of the 8th. Still tied at 6 going into the bottom of the 8th.
Kinney strikes out the ageless Julio Franco. Reyes gets his third hit of the game and singles to center. Is he going to steal this time? No, as Lo Duca walks on four pitches. Kinney still in the game against Beltran. Beltran grounds out into a double play. Darn it! Still tied at 6 going into the 9th.
Metallica's "Enter Sandman" blares as Billy Wagner comes in from the bullpen to try to hold the game at 6. So Taguchi hadn't had a hit against Wagner. "'My stats against Billy Wagner were maybe 0-for-something,' Taguchi said. 'I never got on base, and always strike out, ground ball, pop up. So, I just stayed on top of the ball and try to get on base.'" For the superstitious, you know what this means since it's Friday the 13th. Translation: Taguchi's due and hit a home-run over the left-field wall on a 3-2 pitch after starting in an 0-2 count. The floodgates started to open when Pujols doubled, Spiezio, doubled him home and then Encarnacion singled Spiezio home for the Cardinals to take a 9-6 lead.
New Cardinals reliever Adam Wainwright (instead of Looper) gets the save after getting Delgado, Wright, and Green out in order. The Cardinals unfortunately win 9-6 and tie the series at one game each.
Posted by The Tank in NY with Linda reporting live from Shea on a very unlucky Friday the 13th.
Friday, October 13, 2006
NLCS Game 1 - Cardinals at Shea
Since Wednesday night's game was rained out and rescheduled for tomorrow night, I am relying on Brooklyn Pete and the WFAN Radio team to follow the game.
Enroute to the game, BP reported seeing actor Matthew Broderick of the classic "Ferris Bueller's Day Off" and "The Producers" fame on the LIRR.
On a nice autumn night, the Tank is a little jealous that he can't see Darryl Strawberry throw out the first pitch who was scheduled to do so last night. On a more important note, BP has yet to give me the phone number of his cute lady friend at Fox Sports. No, it's not Jeanne Zelasko but someone local and single. Come on bro, be a teammate and friend, I can hook you up with primo tickets if it works out!
Cliff Floyd unfortunately goes down injured early in the game.
Very little offense to report as Tom Glavine pitched seven great shutout innings on 89 pitches, touch wood. Neither David Eckstein nor King Albert Pujols got hits.
However, the Tank got the sign he needed when he radio cut out just before the Mets went to bat in the bottom of the sixth. Like my restroom superstition, the radio going on the fritz is a good sign. I decided it was time to go to the restroom, load extra tapes in the L80 even if they weren't being prompted for, etc. to maximize time before coming back to my desk. Sure enough, when I returned to my desk, the Mets thankfully scored the only runs they needed on Beltran's two-run home run. The other baserunner was after Jeff Weaver thankfully reverted to his form with the Yankees and Paul Lo Duca got on with a key two out single.
Though Scott Rolen walked in the top of the ninth , Glavine gets the win and Billy Wagner gets the save.
Posted by The Tank with an assist from Brooklyn Pete live at Shea.
Wednesday, October 11, 2006
Cory Lidle, R.I.P.
While the Tank was receiving physical therapy on 71st Street between Fifth and Madison Avenues, a plane piloted by Yankee pitcher Cory Lidle crashed into a high-rise building a few avenues away at 72nd and York Avenue in Manhattan.
The Tank is thankfully okay and extends his condolences to the Lidle family, especially his widow and son, as well as the passenger (reportedly a flight instructor as required by his Yankee contract) and anyone else in the building injured in this tragic accident.
Steve is thankfully okay in Bulgaria on a business trip.
On a less important note, tonight's Mets-Cardinals game was rained out.
Posted by The Tank in NY.
Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry
Tuesday, October 10, 2006
League Championship Series Previews
The As have the better pitching staff and clutch hitting but the Tigers have the momentum, good pitchers coming off great performances, Pudge Rodriguez, and manager extraordinaire Jim Leyland. However, can the Gambler Kenny Rogers have a second great start in a row? I don't think it will be his career playoff 8.85 ERA prior to last Friday's start but not a shutout.
Tough call but the As win it in six games because the home field advantage.
The Mets against the Cardinals isn't easy to pick either. After their near collapse at the end of the regular season, the Cardinals convincingly beat the Padres with good pitching and key hitting. Albert Pujols showed why he is the defending NL MVP in the NLDS. I predict the Mets win in six games because of the home field advantage and the fact that the Padres did the Mets a huge favor by forcing the Cardinals to pitch defending Cy Young Award Winner Chris Carpenter in Game 4 of the NLDS. Thererfore, Carpenter is scheduled to pitch Games 3 and 7 of the NLCS. If the Cardinals are down 3-2, they might pitch Carpenter in Game 6 but that is an eternity away from now.
Like Kenny Rogers, Jeff Weaver had a great start in the NLDS. Is he capable of it again? However, it isn't likely against the Mets bats and scouting. The Mets have to take Game 1 which the Tank is scheduled to attend, touch wood.
The keys for the Mets are to avoid pitching to Pujols which the Padres and other teams didn't learn from. Either walk him (intentionally or pitches way out of the zone) and make the other guys beat you.
The Cardinals learned from the Mets mistake of pitching Braden Looper as their closer. Adam Wainwright is a huge upgrade from Looper. What a breaking ball!
The Mets win in six and go onto the World Series, God Willing.
Go Mets! / Yankees!
Posted by The Tank in NY.
Monday, October 09, 2006
10 Ways to Improve the Yankees and one bonus way to help the Tank's personal life.
While getting ready for Sunday's 18 mile NYC Marathon Tune-up, the Tank woke up early and felt empty. Not so much from the fact that I haven't eaten in 12 hours, but disappointed that the Yankees did not join their cross-town brethren the Mets in advancing to the League Championship Series. Therefore, this is Subway Series closure denied.
I often feel that I live in an alternate reality and I thought I had seen it all until I saw a man much bigger than the Tank knitting on the D Train. Yes, knitting. I thought I had seen it all but this takes the cake.
Did the Yankees lose? Did the Mets win? It is way too early to start writing this.
Onto the issues at hand, perma-guest Jack nor Steve thankfully did NOT take their lives this week.
Congratulations to the Mets! See you Wednesday night at Shea for Game 1 of the NLCS.
As for the Yankees, the result was disappointing especially after fighting back through the Matsui and Sheffield injuries. There are many questions for hot stove season and they need to be answered in short order.
1. A-Rod: Steve and I have had limited success in channeling the spirit of Tony Robbins to help him through his issues. Let's face it, A-Rod is not meant for post-season in Pinstripes -- only for fantasy stats during the regular season. If he is open to a trade (especially to the Marlins where he lives in the off-season), please God trade him for an ace like Dontrelle Willis. If the Marlins don't work out, consider doing it for some prospects with the Angels because we're not going to get Jered Weaver. His mom is reportedly ill in California so it could help him out. Speaking of moms, Linda's Mom didn't take my generous offer of A-Rod and the entire Build-A-Bear Company for David Wright during the summer. Since Christmas is coming up, I would be willing to trade A-Rod for Build-A-Bears for my four Goddaughters.
2. Mussina: Re-sign him but for much less than $19-20 million. Probably for $5-10 million plus incentives. Moose needs to also get away from the snide comments during the season because he couldn't hold the 3-1 lead in Game 2 against the Tigers.
3. Front-line pitcher: Use Mussina's $10-15 million in savings to get in the Barry Zito Sweepstakes. Granted, he isn't the same Barry Zito as a few years ago but better than we have right now, except for Wang. The Yankees are going to have stiff competition from the Mets and other teams.
4. Give Youth a chance: Rasner and Karstens pitched good. Give them a chance in Spring Training and hopefully beyond. Please sign Bruney as a potential successor to Mariano because Farnsworth isn't living up to
his potential.
5. Sheffield: Tough call to re-sign him because of his bat and grittiness. Only about nine or ten games at first base is not enough of a sample plus Giambi is signed through 2008. If A-Rod is gone, consider moving Sheffield to third which he played years ago. He definitely has the arm. A radical idea but the Tank is known for his out of the box ideas.
6. Melky Cabrera: Melky is the key to a healthy clubhouse in 2007 and beyond. He and Cano are fun to watch and give the team much needed energy. How do we deal with Matsui who only has one year left? Maybe
platoon, DH, and rest when needed with the understanding that LF is his once Matsui's contract is up.
Time to literally run the 18 Mile NYC Marathon Training Run. More later.
7. Joe Torre: He is like a father figure to many but it maybe time to bring in Lou Pinella. Mr. Steinbrenner doesn't have much more time left, Lou Pinella is going to shake any complacency and get George one more ring, God Willing.
8. Bernie: Not sure if he'll retire and wouldn't blame him if he did. Would love to see him play a leadership role like he did this year. Worst case scenario, a coach at the Stadium or somewhere within the family.
9. Posada: Pena did a great job working on his throwing. However, Jason Varitek with the Red Sox shows how quickly a catcher can decline and the team with it. Start grooming a successor now.
10. Mariano Rivera: Despite religious objections, start the top secret cloning project in Area 51 ASAP, God Forgive me. (OK, I have been working with rogue scientists on a clone of Heather Locklear, especially
from her "Melrose Place" days.)
Bonus (I have to look out for myself every now and then): If Carl Pavano doesn't ever pitch for the Yankees, take the insurance money and get the phone number (for the Tank) of the local beauty queen, Gia Allemand, who he allegedly was in a Florida accident with. Heck, with all my real injuries (hamstring, pernial tendonitis, knee, IT Band, etc) and Gia's good looks, I would be legitimately "rehabbing" for years if not decades to come.
Feel free to comment on the pages of SteveAndTheTank.com. We're there for all suicidal candidates from whatever team in whichever sport you root for. Please stay away from the ledge. Thank you!
Go Mets! / Yankees!
Posted by The Tank in NY.
Sunday, October 08, 2006
Mets Advance
My flight took off last night with the Mets down by a run in the 5th inning. Eight stressful hours to Milan and the moment the flight landed I checked my phone for word from Los Angles. The Tank, Michelle, and the mystery vendor all SMSed me the good news, the Mets have advanced to the 2006 National League Champion Series. Wow. It is huge that the Mets won via the 3-game sweep because they can rest the pitching.
As it stands now, the Mets do not know who they will play at Shea on Wednesday when they open the NLCS. The St. Louis Cardinals can advance tonight with a victory over Iron Mike Piazza and the San Diego Padres. Even thought the Padres have better pitching, every Mets fan is pulling for the Padres for a few reasons:
- Mike Piazza will return to Shea!
- The Padres have the worst home record of any winning team in baseball.
- Even though they would have had to win 3 in a row to get to the NLCS and have momentum, they will be worn down by the difficult 5 game series. Think about the Mets wearing down the Braves in the 1999 NLCS and the Yankees steamrolling the Braves in the 1999 World Series. (No need to thank us Yankee fans, we were rooting for you, we hate the Braves and John Rocker!)
- The Padres don’t have Albert Pujols
Go Mets!
Too bad the Yankees did not advance, I really wanted a Subway Series. The Tank and I talked Jack off the ledge. With all the injuries the Yanks had this season, the fact that they won the division and made the playoffs is cause to be happy. Remember making the playoffs, even if there is an early exit, is a good thing. And the Yanks have made the playoffs 11 years in a row. It was not A-Rods fault! The Tank will do a post today on the Yanks season.
Posted by Steve in Milan, Italy, in route to Sofia, Bulgaria.
The NY Post Says it all:
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| July, 2008 (30) |
| June, 2008 (30) |
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| December, 2007 (32) |
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| August, 2007 (31) |
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| August, 2006 (23) |
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