 Monday, December 18, 2006
PermaGuest Jack's Knicks-Nuggets Editorial
Moments after the Knicks-Nuggets Brawl, PermaGuest Jack e-mailed Steve and myself. His thoughts were so insightful that I asked him to write a guest column. His comments are as follows:
Now as you may or may not know I'm not a big basketball fan, though Michelle is getting me into College ball. But that said, I do pay attention in the cursory sense. But you just don't really need to follow the NBA to be disgusted with this latest fiasco. To summarize from what I've read and heard in the news, the Knicks were losing pretty badly yet again, and because the Nuggets had their Starters on the court with 1:15 left and a 19-point lead. So what? Yeah, maybe that's a bit overkill, but so what? Should they have sat them and given the Knicks a chance to come back and win? Um No. Last I checked, this was not a friendly neighborhood game (though an argument can be made for the lack of those too), but a Professional Game, between two Professional teams who are PAID to win. Not lose.
What's even more disgusting than the lack of good sportsmanship and professionalism shown by the Knicks was that of their Head Coach, Isiah Thomas. I quote the comments he said he made to Denver's Carmelo Anthony from the SportsIllustrated.com article I emailed you yesterday. "I just said to him, 'You know, you're up 20, you're up 19 with a minute and half to go, you and (Marcus) Camby really shouldn't be in the game right now,"' Thomas said. "We had surrendered, those guys shouldn't even be in the game at that point in time."
YOU SURRENDERED?! At what point? The half?! Yeah I know, you feel like you have no chance with that little time left to come back, but you keep going. I know it's not the same, but this season in my dart league, we got bumped up a division and been losing. Every Leg (game) counts as 1 point. And we've played every game with all our heart and tried our best, but we're playing in a tougher division and it's to be expected. The score doesn't really reflect the overall effort. And we were mathematically eliminated from the playoffs (first time in 4 seasons!) a couple of weeks ago but we are still playing every single game of every single match like we need it.
How much do you want to bet this will somehow be tied back to Larry Brown, who is the scapegoat for all the wrong the Knicks have done last season and this. Oh wait! He already is being blamed, since he's good friends with Nuggets head coach George Karl! Honestly what I think it comes down to, is that they had this all planned out. They brought Larry Brown back and set him up for failure by not putting the full faith of the organization behind him during the past season. This, in my opinion, was done in order to bring Isiah "The Megalomaniac" Thomas back to the court. The man is an embarrassment. Remember the sexual harassment and hostile work environment claims made against him in the past? How much do you want to bet there was a good deal of truth to it?
All I can say is that these "professionals" and I use this term loosely, have disgraced themselves. Their respective organizations and the sport. This could all segue right into a whole other topic. The "Thug Attitude" which is prevalent in the NBA and to an extent the NFL (wanna talk about T.O. spitting on Falcons Cornerback DeAngelo Hall?). The NBA has way too many High Schoolers given HUGE Monetary contracts acting like babies. I think the penalties should be very heavy.
Written by PermaGuest Jack and Posted by the Tank in NY.
Sunday, December 17, 2006
Trying to Find the Silver Lining the Day After the Knicks-Nuggets Brawl
The Tank had prepared a post for Saturday night's Knicks-Nuggets game. However, the fight at the end of the game changed everything.
Though the Knicks lost, the game wasn't all fisticuffs and had some bright spots and I wanted to share them with you.
As my friend PG and I walked into the Garden, we saw two young ladies buying jerseys including a Stephon Marbury. The Tank asked PG: "Who would buy a Stephon Marbury jersey? Is this young person being setup for a life of disappointment? Should the Tank intervene and advise her to
buy another jersey of someone who plays hard every night like Nate Robinson or Derek Lee?"
PG replied: "She probably a tourist."
The Tank: "OK, let's get our tickets."
I walk up to the Will Call line and the attendant asks, "Annie or the Knicks?". Annie is playing at the Theatre at Madison Square Garden.
The Tank: "The Knicks."
Attendant: "You have to go to the other line."
The Tank: "Ugh, darn it!"
Anyway, why are there so many people in the Will Call lines? The Knicks were just routed the night before by the Pacers. It didn't make any sense. The Tank asked the next attendant "Why did so many people walkup?"
Attendant: "Tourists."
PG was right. The Tank won't tell the tourists that he bought the $60.50 tickets online for $20 each through a special offer (i.e. the Knicks were desperate for fans at any price) on Saturday morning as to not provoke an international incident.
Time for the starting line-ups and tip-off. The Tank went to grab something to eat and walked by the season ticket table. The first man gave me some schedules and card. The second man encouraged me to bring a group. The Tank thought about organizing a Church group for a charity
event. Maybe our group prayers would help the Knicks; the way the season is going, it couldn't hurt. If the Knicks continue to go down the tubes, we'll at least have a priest to serve the Last Rites.
PG and The Tank sat in front a young family. The 10 and 12 year old kids were brutal. They were heckling the referees and players. No one escaped their wrath. "Marbury's a bum!". "Nate sucks!". "Fire Isiah!". "The ref is blind!". Other comments are unprintable.
Though sarcastic, the Tank is afraid for the future of our fellow young fans. So young, so jaded and they are not even teenagers yet.
The Knicks actually started decently. However, Carmelo Anthony and the Nuggets took over and had a 26 point lead before the Knicks. The crowd booed. The Knicks then went on a 15-3 run and the crowd started to rally behind the Knicks. Carmelo and the Nuggets buried the Knicks.
Too little, too late. In the words of the great Paul Harvey, "you know the rest of the story."
Where Do We Go From Here: I am not crazy about Isiah as Knicks Coach. Unless there is a change of ownership, we don't have much choice given Mr. Dolan's vote of confidence in Isiah earlier this week. This is highly unlikely as the Garden is a printing press and I don't see the Dolans giving it up.
You're comments are welcome. Until then, please light a candle for the Knicks.
If you do watch a Knicks game, the action in between the basketball and brawls is entertaining as the Knicks City Dancers, the City Kids, and the Extreme Team performed well.
Posted by the Tank in NY.
Saturday, December 16, 2006
Knicks-Nuggets Video and Photo Shot by The Tank
"All Ten Players Have Been Ejected!" mysteriously came out over the Garden Public Address system with a little over a minute in the Nuggets rout of the Knicks.
What happened? In all of the nearly 30 years that I have been following basketball going back to the great 1977-1978 Washington Bullets (my favorite team in addition to the 1980s Showtime Lakers), I have never seen all ten players ejected at same the time.
My friend Prashanth (AKA PG), the rest of the Garden faithful, and myself were almost sent home with another depressing loss. However, with about two minutes left, PG asked why are Marcus Camby, Carmelo Anthony, and other Nuggets starters still on the floor. I yelled out with about
1:33 "George, take Carmelo out of the game!". PG and other witnesses can corroborate this. George would have none of it as he played for Larry Brown at North Carolina and just MAYBE wanted to rub it into to Isiah and Mr. Dolan who was critical of Larry Brown earlier this week. Furthermore, Carmelo played for Larry Brown in the Olympics. Small World, eh?
This unfortunately was very presicent as a few seconds later, the Nuggets J.R. Smith has the ball appears to be going in for a layup when the Knicks Mardy Rollins intentionally fouls him by pulling him down by the shoulders. The Tank went on instinct, grabbed my camera, and ran down the aisle to take the following photo and video for you. I apologize in advance for the shakiness of the camera as I was running down the stairs and then almost tripped over a lady's pocketbook who left it out in the aisle and fell down the stairs. What I do for you, my loyal readers.
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Let's get the following straight. I am a huge Carmelo Anthony fan as he played for my beloved Syracuse Orangemen. As a scrappy teenager, my high school classmate Jim and I were on the winning 1985 Jim Boeheim Basketball Camp Championship team. We were a hustling group of overachievers who won the championship on the same floor in the Carrier Dome that the Orangemen play on to this day.
Over 21 years later, the Tank wanted to see Carmelo Anthony play and thank him for bringing me basketball closure by winning the 2003. (We should have won in 1987 but Keith Smart sunk the winning fade away jumper to seal the win for the Indiana Hoosiers.)
However, after the fight broke out, it calmed down, and then erupted again when Anthony threw a punch at Rollins. This was the ugliest incident since the brawl at the Palace of Auburn Hills between the Pistons and Pacers in November 2004.
Anthony should be punished for this. The referees covened for several minutes and reviewed the tape. (Is anyone in MLB paying attention?)
Nuggets Coach George Karl, who I have always admired as a coach and analyst, should have NEVER EVER had Carmelo Anthony, Marcus Camby, and other Nuggets starters on the floor with a 20 point lead and only two minutes. Karl is an old pro and screwed up here. You don't want to risk injury (hurt hand) and probable suspension as Knicks Coach Isiah Thomas had pulled Stephon Marbury who played great with 31 points.
The referees finally decided to throw out all ten players. Therefore, since the Knicks "had surrendered", Stephon Marbury had to come back into the game. The Knicks ended up losing 123-100.
What does this mean for the Knicks? This maybe the turning of the corner for the Knicks as the City can rally around them. Do I think they will replicate the Red Sox championship after the fight between A-Rod and Jason Varitek galvanized the 2004 team? Highly unlikely but the Knicks are only 1.5 games out of the Eastern division lead and the 8th playoff seed so you never know what can happen.
Let's see what happens. Until next time, Go Knicks!
Posted by the Tank in NY.
Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry
Friday, December 15, 2006
Matsuzaka signing hurts both the Yankees and Mets
The Red Sox avoided shaming themselves with the Japanese people by coming to terms with World Baseball Classic MVP Daisuke Matsuzaka. This would not have been the first time as they snatched Kevin Millar back from Japan a few years ago according to AOL Sports Blogers Live (SBL). However, Matsuzaka is a native son and hero and NOT signing him would have shamed the Japanese and hampered Red Sox efforts to expand into Japan as the Yankees have with Hideki Matsui.
The key factor was none other than super-agent Scott Boras, Matsuzaka's agent. Driving a hard bargain is an understatement, Boras was still negotiating on the plane back to Boston on Wednesday. It was the 11th hour as the 30 day window to sign Matsuzaka was closing the next day.
If you are a Yankees or Mets fan, why should you care about what I have just written. The reasons are as follows:
(1) Bad: The Mets were the second highest bidder for Matzusaka and obviously out bid by the Red Sox.
(2) Worse: The Yankees are hurt by the fact that they'll have to face an all-world pitcher several times a year.
(3) Worst: The price for the Mets to get Barry Zito just got much higher. In addition to the $51.1 million right to negotiate with Matsuzaka, Boras wanted a $100 million contract for Matsuzaka. Boras "only" got $52 million (plus incentives to $60 million). If you Barry Zito, you are going to need to pay around $100 or more million.
Is Zito worth it? How much is a World Series worth? I have written and stated during the past season that the Mets needed to get Zito in return for Lastings Milledge but did not. If the Mets had Zito, I would bet my part of the farm on the Mets to win the 2006 World Series. Look at what the Mets did without Zito. Think what they would have done with Zito. It's that simple.
My fellow Dominican Omar Minaya has to make this deal. He will be competing with the Texas Rangers who desperately need pitching and there is no state tax in Texas versus 11 percent (7 percent state and 4 percent city) in New York.
If Omar is not going to return my calls for setting up a date with Mets fan Julia Stiles, he better sign Zito or I will really be upset.
Posted by an anxious Tank in NY.
Thursday, December 14, 2006
Mr. Lamar Hunt, R.I.P.; NFL Picks
We have lost another football pioneer in Chiefs Owner Mr. Lamar Hunt. You don't have to root for the Chiefs to realize that his impact on the game was boundless as he was the founder of the AFL, a key force behind the AFL-NFL merger, and coined the term "Super Bowl".
Mr. Hunt also impacted the worlds of soccer and tennis as a co-founder of both the North American Soccer League (NASL), Major League Soccer (MLS), and World Championship Tennis (WCT), respectively. You are missed Mr. Hunt.
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Due to my protest against the Giants last week, the Tank was 9-6 in last week's games, touch wood. Without further ado, please find the predicted winner in bold below:
Locks:
The Patriots bounce back from a humiliating shutout and beat up on the Texans.
The Buccanneers don't play well in the cold and their next game is in Chicago. This adds up to a Bears win.
The Seahawks are at home and a win against the 49ers clinches the NFC West.
Should Win:
The Jets bounce back but have to win at what should be a very loud Viking friendly MetroDome.
The Bills are at home and the Dolphins will hopefully freeze there. If they don't, I am sure my brother-in-law and Dolphins fan Jim will remind me of this at Christmas Dinner. Go Bills!
The Giants finally heeded the Tank's protest and have home field advantage against the Eagles.
The Packers beat the reeling Lions.
The Ravens should beat the improving Browns.
The Saints host the inconsistent Redskins.
The Broncos need to win at the Cardinals.
The Rams bounce back and beat the Raiders.
The Colts are at home against the tough Bengals.
Avoid Picking:
The Titans are on a roll and at home but the Jaguars have the better record.
The Cowboys need to bounce back but are at the Falcons.
The 6-7 Steelers are playing for pride in the tough AFC and are at the 6-7 Panthers who are playing for an NFC playoff birth. The Steelers have had a few extra days to prepare. Almost a coin flip but the Panthers and their coach need the win more.
The Chargers are at home and on a roll but the Chiefs will be playing for Mr. Hunt as the Giants destroyed the Redskins 36-0 last year after the passing of Mr. Wellington Mara.
Posted by a mournful Tank in NY.
Tuesday, December 12, 2006
Allen Iverson Has More Luggage Than a Coach Store
The Tank is still too angry at the Knicks to discuss them, especially after going down by 30 points in Monday night's game and losing in heart breaking fashion to the Celtics. Therefore, I will discuss other teams' issues.
Allen Iverson has reportedly played his last game for the Philadelphia 76ers based on statements from their owner and their GM is desperately trying to deal him. Furthermore, his locker has been cleaned out over this past weekend in the anticipation that will be traded. Though he plays with lots of heart, A.I. doesn't like practicing, shows up late to games, and has had numerous run-ins with the law and other off court issues over the years.
How does the Tank know that Allen Iverson Has more luggage than a Coach Store? The Tank briefly temped as a word processor at Coach headquarters about a decade ago after moving to the City. Though I don't still don't know anything about hand bags, purses, etc., my former Coach colleagues were nice people and their PowerPoint and other presentations were well done.
Even excluding the luggage issues, how many more good years does A.I. have left? Two or three tops because of the physical pounding A.I. has taken; he has as many injuries as the Tank. Since he reportedly turned down a trade Tuesday to the Charlotte Bobcats, maybe he'll end up with K.G. in Minnesota (probably the best chance to contend for both ringless stars), the Celtics, Nuggets, or Pacers according to Bloomberg News. We should know "The Answer" to A.I.'s future destination in the next day or two.
Posted by the Tank in NY.
Monday, December 11, 2006
Amateur Female Jello Wrestling Holiday Edition
If it is the second Sunday of the month, then it's time for the December installment of Amateur Female Jello Wrestling, New York's premier sports satire, live from Arlene's Grocery on the Lower East Side. Though it's great to see familiar faces like the Italian Princess of Power, the Extra Special Agent (ESA), and Captain Zorikh, there are several new wrestlers this evening as the word-of-mouth has spread. Arlene's Grocery is packed. After the wrestlers practice their moves, Nathan, John, and the Tank set-up the kiddie pool and pour the jello. Dana takes the mike to introduce the crowd to AFJW and thanks everyone for coming. Allan is the MC. Resident DJ, Moldover, will be playing on the 20th at SubAtomic. This guy is really good. If you have a chance to see him, you're in for a treat. The Fire Flies are the opening act. The Fire Flies have been compared to "David Bowie and Flaming Lips having sex while listening to hip-hop". Yup, pretty accurate and darn good too. MC Allan exalts that tonight is all about the ladies. However, in the spirit of equal time, it is hula-hoop time. Dana calls me up onto the stage. The Tank is one five contestants. Devo's "Whip It" is a great hula hoop song. The Tank does slightly better than last month but doesn't make the final round like the 2005 "Antarctica Idol" Competition where I placed third. In the meantime, I'll stick to blogging and karaoke, NOT hula hooping. With green hair and a red bow, The Parcel of Power, AKA Extra Special Agent from November's installment, versus the Italian Princess of Power. As always, the Princess has beer in hand like ECW's Sandman and promises to make the Parcel of Power sleep with the fishes.
Ladies and gentlemen, without further ado, let's get ready to Jello Wrestle! The matches are numbered below:
(1) After an early standstill, the Parcel of Power is flipped but not pinned. The Parcel of Power reverses and gets on top of the Italian Princess of Power. The Italian Princess of Power reverses and starts to slowly unwrap the Parcel of Power. Back and forth they go. The Parcel of Power is flipped over again and comes out of the ring. The Italian Princess of Power scores an arm bar. The Parcel of Power reverses into a roll around. The Italian Princess of Power goes for the tradition hair pull. The hair pull does NOT work because the Parcel of Power has shaved green hair in the spirit of the Season. The Italian Princess of Power somehow is able to pin the Parcel of Power in the corner of the kiddie pool.
(2) Santa's Little Helper versus first time Amateur Female Jello Wrestler Jezebel, the Tank is going with the traditional Biblical spelling of Jezebel though it maybe Jezzabel as I tried to clarify with her during the intermission but it was too loud. (My apologies if I misspelled it.)
Jezebel dives into the ring and gets Santa's Little Helper in a head lock.
Jezebel gets the crowd behind her. Jezebel lands on Santa's Little Helper. Is she pinned? Referee Dana checks and declares Jezebel the winner of the match.
(3) The third or Three Turtle Doves match features first-timers Tinsel the Bohemian Fairy versus Sandra Claus. They lock up in an arms to shoulders hold like Macho Man Randy Savage versus the Hulkster but that's where the similarity ends. They roll around and Tinsel the Bohemian Fairy gets the quick pin.
(4) Chocolate Thunder and Backhand Betty are two more first timers. Backhand Betty removes her wreath. Backhand Betty dives in between Chocolate Thunder's legs. Chocolate Thunder gets on top but Backhand Betty reverses. Chocolate Thunder gets a quick pin in the corner. As she promised in her pre-match comments, she was ready to rumble.
(5) Another first timer, Little Miss Succubus, versus Jezebel. Little Miss Succubus slips and Jezebel takes advantage. They are fast and furious; the fastest in the three matches I have covered and probably the fastest in the almost 30 years I have watched and covered professional and amateur wrestling. Jezebel executes a ferocious flying back pin and then a clothesline. They roll around and Jezebel tries to put her in a headlock and get the pin. Jezebel maybe a first time Amateur Female Jello Wrestling but she is well schooled in wrestling.
Jezebel wins but the crowd, including the Tank, wants a rematch.
(6) Tinsel the Bohemian Fairy versus the Hurricane. The trash talking starts even before they step in the ring.
The Hurricane flips Tinsel the Bohemian Fairy over and then executes a clothes line. Tinsel the Bohemian Fairy gets up and the Hurricane dives between her legs. Hurricane pins Tinsel. A post match reveres in them slipping and falling.
(7) The Brown Bunny versus the Italian Princess of Power. The Italian Princess of Power threatens to make "gravy" out of the Brown Bunny.
They lock up. The Brown Bunny dives between the Italian Princess of Power's legs. They roll around and the Brown Bunny spanks the Italian Princess of Power. They try to stand and the Brown Bunny almost slams the Italian Princess of Power like The Hulkster versus Andre the Giant in Wrestlemania. The Brown Bunny has the Italian Princess of Power's leg but she escapes. (The Hulkster never had to deal with jello and the subsequent slipping and sliding it causes.)
"Viva Italia" rings out from the crowd for the Italian Princess of Power followed by rabbit sounds for the Brown Bunny. The Italian Princess of Power slips through the Brown Bunny's legs. The Brown Bunny tries a reverse pin. The Brown Bunny tries to tickle the Italian Princess of Power's foot, a non-traditional wrestling move. They quickly settle back into a traditional Greco-Roman position in the middle of the ring. The Brown Bunny does
a side flip but it goes right back to a standoff as they both almost fall out of the ring. The Brown Bunny BB gets the Italian Princess of Power into the corner and wins the match.
In the post-match commentary, the Italian Princess of Power compares the Brown Bunny to the Energizer Bunny.
(8) Annie Rock is not only the Publicist for Amateur Female Jello Wrestling but also a wrestler. Annie will face none other than Founder and Referee Dana. They both pull each others pig tails. Moldover captures the move with Black Sabbath's "War Pigs".
Dana reverses but Annie Rock body slams Dana. Dana somehow gets out and slides under Annie Rock's legs. Annie Rock reverses Dana to the other side of the ring. Annie Rock wins her first match as her wrestling skills equal her booking ability.
(9) Chocolate Thunder versus Sandra Claus. Chocolate Thunder is smug going into the ring. They size each other up. They lock up and Jane's Addiction classic "Been Caught Stealing" cranks. They both try the hair pull. Chocolate Thunder has Sandra Claus on her stomach but Sandra Claus kicks out. Sandra Claus dives in but Chocolate Thunder rolls her over. They roll around and then quickly stand again. Moldover again aptly captures the mood with Kool And The Gang's "Jungle Boogie". (Book this guy for your next party as he is on fire.) Chocolate Thunder spanks Sandra Claus. They again go for the hair pull.
Sandra Claus pins Chocolate Thunder but can't get a three count. Chocolate Thunder gets up and then is taken down again. Sandra Claus wins. Chocolate Thunder says that Christmas is once a year but chocolate is delicious year around.
(10) Annie Rock versus Backhand Betty. Backhand Betty falls but miraculously gets Annie Rock into a quick pin in the corner. Backhand Betty flips jello into the crowd and declares that she is going to Disneyland. One of the Tank's favorites songs, A-Ha's classic "Take On Me", pours out over the speakers. (11) The Brown Bunny versus Dana. Dana goes for the hair pull. The Brown Bunny slams Dana. The Brown Bunny gets a quick pin. Two wins in a few moments. That has to be an AFJW record. (12) In the last match of the open round before the Championship Round, Valeze is going to perform during the final match. Please check out their video on the Media tab.
As the band plugs in, Allan and Dana promote next month's jello wrestling on Sunday, January 14 and the upcoming Co-Ed Crisco Disco Twister on Sunday, January 21. You know the Tank is going to be there. The Tank may not hula hoop well but he can dance.
A guy standing on a bar stool says he is going to buy an AFJW t-shirt for his Mom for Christmas. What a loving son! This guy should be son of the year! 
Santa's Little Helper versus Little Miss Succubus. They roll around. Santa's Little Helper executes a flip. They pull each others hair and Little Miss Succubus dives in between Santa's Little Helper's legs. Little Miss Succubus reverses and gets the leg pin in the
corner.
“Valeze has got their feet firmly planted in Blondie’s footsteps. Fronted by classically-trained Tiffany Randol, this band (with their frenetic breakdowns and breathy vocals) will take you right back to Studio 54!” — NY Press
Tiffany looks like a 21 year old Gwen Stefani and sounds like Debbie Harry of Blondie. What a gifted singer. After the bands great performance, Tiffany stage dives into the kiddie pool. She rocks!
We're only halfway home and time to catch some air and checks my Blackberries. Steve unfortunately can't make it as he is preparing for a Microsoft keynote address on Tuesday. Good luck Steve!
Morgan makes it all sound great on the sound board. DJ LoKey fills in for Moldover. (13) The Championship Round begins with the Hurricane versus the Italian Princess of Power. They lock up and the Hurricane flips the Italian Princess of Power. They both try to flip each other. The Italian Princess of Power is enraged after the Hurricane spanks her. MC Allan asks the Brown Bunny who is going to win and the Brown Bunny thinks that the Hurricane will win. Santa's Little Helper is not sure. The Italian Princess of Power reverses and stays on her stomach. The Italian Princess of Power is a savvy wrestler. They stand and Dana instructs the wrestlers. They can't flip each other. They continue spanking and going into the corner. The Hurricane has the Italian Princess of Power in a head lock. The Italian Princess of Power breaks out but the Hurricane grabs the Italian Princess of Power's hair. The Hurricane somehow gets the Italian Princess of Power in a hold. The Hurricane goes to the new trick of tickling the Italian Princess of Power's feet. (Jezebel and Little Miss Succubus yell for toe sucking from the stage microphone. I can't make this stuff up.) The Hurricane puts jello down the Italian Princess of Power's shorts. The Hurricane has the Italian Princess of Power in a reverse lock. The Italian Princess of Power won't yield nor submit. The Italian Princess of Power goes to the protective fetal position but the Hurricane gets the Italian Princess of Power in a toe lock. Both wrestlers go for the jello down the shorts trick. Two ladies to my left are yelling for the Italian Princess of Power to remove the Hurricane's wig. The Italian Princess of Power is pinned by the Hurricane in the far corner. This has to be the longest match of the evening.
(14) Jezebel versus Sandra Claus. Sandra Claus predicts "lots of foreplay" in her pre-match commentary. Jezebel has the height advantage. Jezebel turns her back and Sandra Claus goes right in. They roll around. Sandra Claus pins Jezebel but she kicks out.
Sandra Claus partially tears off Jezebel's white t-shirt. Jezebel reverses and gets the pin and win. Sandra Claus promises to return next month.
(15) Santa's Little Helper versus Backhand Betty. Santa's Little Helper gets the early
advantage but Backhand Betty reverses. They roll around. Santa's Little Helper tries a reverse back pin. Backhand Betty is on top but they exit the ring. Back Hand Betty is pinned down in the far corner and Santa's Little Helper wins. Backhand Betty promises to return next month.
Massive props to Mark the Trainer. Dana tries to recruit Kimberly for the next month.
(16) The Brown Bunny likes the "taste and feel of jello". Annie Rock versus the Brown Bunny. Dana reveals that Jaga (sp?) needs to be married to stay in the country. This sounds like the Tank's last girlfriend earlier this year. No, I did not marry her. The Tank considers helping Jaga but wants to avoid the emotional train wreck of a relationship as officially deemed by MTA Ray, my subway motorman roommate. After the matches, the Tank does offer to help Jaga and she has a job and a boyfriend who will marry her. Good news! More on my relationship issues as we head towards Valentine's Day. You haven't read anything yet. Buckle up!
Back to the match, Annie Rock flips the Brown Bunny. The Brown Bunny pushes Annie Rock. They reverse and the Brown Bunny is quick and true to her name. TheBrown Bunny slams Annie Rock. They collide in the middle of the ring. The Brown Bunny and Annie Rock Stand back up and the Brown Bunny flips AR. While "Walk Like An Egyptian" plays, the Brown Bunny hooks Annie Rock's leg for the pin and win.
(17) Chocolate Thunder versus Little Miss Succubus. They also roll out of the ring. They stand and Thunder connects on the clothesline. They roll into the near corner. Chocolate Thunder body slams Little Miss Succubus. Fast and furious. Chocolate Thunder throws down Little Miss Succubus. Little Miss Succubus is somehow able to pin Chocolate Thunder but she kicks out. Chocolate Thunder pulls Little Miss Succubus to the near corner. Chocolate Thunder tries a reverse back pin. They roll out of the ring and Dana gets them back in the center of the ring. They collide and the Little Miss Succubus rolls out to the near corner. Little Miss Succubus has Chocolate Thunder on her stomach but not a win.
MC Allan asks Backhand Betty who will win and Backhand Betty put her money on the Underground, Little Miss Succubus. Chocolate Thunder tries a body slam to the near corner. They reverse and the scrum is on. Chocolate Thunder pulls Little Miss Succubus down. Little Miss Succubus tries another back pin but Chocolate Thunder rolls out. Chocolate Thunder gets Little Miss Succubus in a choke hold. Because of the fast and furious action, the ring has moved diagonally.
The Italian Princess calls for the Last Rites and blesses both wrestlers from the stage as Dana warns Chocolate Thunder against an illegal lock hold. Chocolate Thunder goes for the traditional hair pull. Little Miss Succubus tries for a reverse back pin. They have to go back to the middle again. MC Allan wonders if the US will be out of Iraq before the end of this match. It could be a new Hundred Years War.
Chocolate Thunder embraces Little Miss Succubus in a hold and slams her to the far ring.
Chocolate Thunder gets the pin and win. Whoa, my thumbs are about to fall off from typing on my Blackberry.
(18) Jezebel versus the Hurricane. The Hurricane is nowhere to be found. While the search is on for the Hurricane, Dana interviews an enthusiastic newcomer who promises to wrestle next month.
The Hurricane finally appears. She blows into the ring and dives between Jezebel's legs. Jezebel escapes the Hurricane's hold. They exit the ring. The Hurricane goes for Jezebel's legs. Jezebel has the Hurricane on her stomach to wear her down. Jezebel tries to turn her shoulder for the pin. Jezebel stands up but the Hurricane goes for her leg again. Jezebel falls on the Hurricane and pins her.
(19) Santa's Little Helper versus the Brown Bunny. The WWE may have the Armageddon Pay-Per-View but Amateur Female Wrestling has Christmas versus Easter. WWE has nothing on AFJW.
Santa's Little Helper executes the clothesline. The Brown Bunny goes for Santa's Little Helper's hair. The Brown Bunny flips Santa's Little Helper. Back and forth they go. Santa's Little Helper body slams the Brown Bunny. The Brown Bunny spears Santa's Little Helper like Goldberg used to in the WCW.
The Brown Bunny tries a reverse back pin. Santa's Little Helper escapes and tries a choke
hold. Santa's Little Helper tries a half nelson but the Brown Bunny escapes. Santa's Little Helper goes for the full body ring.
Remember, Co-Ed Disco Crisco Twister Night on Sunday, January 21.
(20) Chocolate Thunder versus an eliminated opponent. Little Miss Succubus left but it is
time for the Italian Princess of Power to redeem herself.
Who will win? Chocolate Thunder's strength or the Italian Princess of Power's experience. The Italian Princess of Power gets Chocolate Thunder in the near corner. Chocolate Thunder reverses out while Led Zeppelin's "Immigrant Song" comes on.
They lock up and Chocolate Thunder goes for the hair pull. Chocolate Thunder tries a body slam. The Italian Princess of Power reverses to the far corner and pins her. The Italian Princess of Power advances to the championship match.
In post-match commentary, Chocolate Thunder says it "hurts the first time" but promises to return on January 14. The Italian Princess of Power acknowledges her luck. Forza Italia!
(21) Jezebel versus Santa's Little Helper. Jezebel falls off the stage but is thankfully okay. Jezebel removes her boots and enters the ring. Santa's Little Helper goes for a quick pin in the far corner and gets it. Jezebel also promises to return next month.
(22) And now, for the match we have all been waiting for, The Championship Match: The Italian Princess of Power versus Santa's Little Helper. The Fire Flies retake the stage. DJ Lokey, Morgan, the Tank (no, thank you), and the rest of the hard work team are thanked for our efforts.
The Italian Princess of Power and Santa's Little Helper lock up and the quickly roll around for the advantage. Santa's Little Helper rolls over the Italian Princess of Power unto her back. Amazing! The traditional hair pulling resumes and then embrace in a bear hold. Santa's Little Helper goes for a pin but it doesn't count. Santa's Little Helper throws jello. The Italian Princess of Power retaliates. The Italian Princess of Power goes for the far corner pin. They stand and Santa's Little Helper scores the clothesline and pin. Santa's Little Helper is the December Amateur Female Jello Wrestling Champion.
In the post-match commentary, the Tank is grateful to get his photo with the champion, Santa's Little Helper.
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As Tank leaves Arlene's Grocery, Alessandro gives the Tank a great business card idea of a military Tank inside aquarium tank. John and Kurt also give good ideas. Steve and I will have to discuss these great ideas for our business card. The Tank's next stop is the post-Amateur Female Jello Wrestling party at the Delancey Bar on the north side of Delancey Street next to the Brooklyn Bridge. The Tank is grateful to Captain Zorikh for the invitation. Captain Zorikh appeared as Rudy is the Red Rabbling Rousing Reindeer. Jolie Voltaire appeared as Happy the Proletarian Worker Elf. Captain Zorikh and the Doom Maidens put on a show that has to be seen to be believed.
Until the next Amateur Female Jello Wrestling on Sunday, January 14, Happy Holidays and New Year to all!
Sunday, December 10, 2006
Yankee Chemistry Questions
Perma Guest Jack and I were talking (or texting) Yankees Hot Stove Action over the weekend.
As much as we are overjoyed by Andy Pettitte coming back home, there is something quite not right.
Yes, the pitching staff is thankfully starting to take shape with Wang, Pettitte, and Mussina. Randy Johnson is on the mend but may not be ready for Opening Day. Given Carl Pavano's injuries, he may never pitch for the Yankees or anyone else again.
Igawa's potential signing is exciting as is Roger Clemens MAYBE following his best friend Andy Pettitte back to New York (God Willing). Though it was sad to see Gary Sheffield go, the trade for Sanchez and a couple of other young pitchers was welcome. There is also Yankee home grown talent like Rasner, Karstens, and Hughes. They are all exciting young pitchers who will hopefully be part of the team in years to come.
The only catch is chemistry. Will A-Rod ever be accepted by the Yankee fans and players? Will Mike Mussina and A-Rod stop arguing? They both need to look in the mirror and let bygones be bygones because neither superstar has won a ring and they probably won't if they don't stop fighting inside and outside the lockerroom. Is Derek Jeter the captain of all the Yankees or only of the ones he likes?
There are only about two months until pitchers and catchers to see how these questions are answered. Championships are usually won and lost in the off-season and the time to mend the fences and heal the wounds is now.
Posted by the Tank in NY.
Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry
Saturday, December 09, 2006
The 2006 Heisman Trophy Is Awarded To...
If there is any doubt who Saturday night's Heisman Trophy winner should be, they need laser vision surgery more than the Tank and most professional referees and umpires.
Let's put it this way, if someone other than Troy Smith wins the Heisman, there should be an investigation.
Sure, Brady Quinn got all the pre-season hype but his Heisman hopes crashed with Notre Dame's losses to Michigan and USC.
Arkansas' Darren McFadden is a great athlete and may have the best NFL career of all.
However, Smith has battled through it all -- a foster care home, taking $500 from a booster and being benched for two games in 2004 and 2005 for it, etc. to lead the Ohio State University Buckeyes to the BCS National Championship Game and a perfect season.
Smith has the perfect balance of poise in the pocket, mobility, and a rifle arm.
Though the Tank doesn't yet have a vote for the Heisman, my vote is for Troy Smith.
Posted by The Tank in NY.
Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry
Friday, December 08, 2006
Prayers for Pettitte Answered
Don't worry, Steve and The Tank haven't forgotten about baseball. As much as we love other sports, we have been following baseball's winter meetings closely but have refrained from commenting on rumors.
I have been praying for Andy Pettitte's return to the Yankees and didn't want to jinx it by writing about it. Andy is a God fearing all-around family man who knows how to deal with the pressure of pitching in New York. Furthermore, if Roger Clemens returns next season, he will probably be inclined to come back to the Yankees because (1) Pettitte is his best friend, (2) Clemens and Pettitte share the same agents, the Hendricks brothers, and (3) the Red Sox will probably have a full rotation if they sign Matsuzaka. What better way to contend and hopefully send Joe Torre off on a winning note, God Willing.
Posted by a grateful Tank in NY. Merry Early Christmas to me and other Yankees fans. Happy Holidays to all!
Thursday, December 07, 2006
Booing and Sleeping Fans are Desperate Pleas for Help
Wednesday night's Knicks defeat to the Wizards was a pathetic as they come. The Wizards won 113-102 and it was their first road win of the season. The final score was actually closer than the real results as the Knicks rallied late to make it somewhat respectable.
I received two separate reports on the pain of last night's loss. My roommate, MTA Ray, said that the Knicks took an early 9-2 lead and quit after the Wizards took a timeout. Basketball Brant took his niece to her first basketball game and the Knicks owe her and her Uncle Brant an apology. I am afraid that she will be traumatized for life and hate her loving Uncle Brant. Basketball Brant almost got out of his seat to show the Knicks how we used to play defense in college pick-up games.
By the end of the game, MTA Ray reported "Fire Thomas" chants while others resorted to "Fire Isiah" and "Fire (Owner) Dolan" chants. Other fans resorted to catching up on their sleep.
If you care about professional basketball in the capital of the free world, you need to call the Knicks offices and demand that they accept my reasonable offer OR the Knicks home losses will mount. Do the right thing, Mr. Dolan, and help alleviate the suffering of millions of Knicks fans.
Posted by an increasingly depressed and impatient Tank in NY.
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