 Thursday, July 19, 2007
NYC Steam Explosion
I was enroute to attend a very special presentation Wednesday evening when I saw people gathered around television screens at around 54th and Park Wednesday afternoon. People were watching television screens of the steam explosion in Manhattan. Since I am a uber geek, I have an audio television feed on my walkman which has AM/FM/TV/Weather feeds as well as plays CDs and MP3s. (Mega thanks to SuperTwin Gil for that tip.) Anyway, I picked up the action and walked toward Lexington Avenue and 51st where the presentation was held, ten blocks north of the unfortunate accident. (Thank God Linda, Steve, and Kathleen were okay as we met up for the presentation later!)
As I went to take a picture of the steam and smoke, a CNN photographer took a picture of me which appears on CNN.com (I included a JPG snapshot below because CNN.com continually updates the site as my photo was fifth earlier today and now it is eighth as more photos are added.)
My photo of the steam and smoke appears below:
Posted by a grateful Tank thankful to be alive, thank God, in Midtown Manhattan.
Wednesday, July 18, 2007
Is Rick Down the Mets Hitting Scapegoat?
The Mets fired their batting coach Rick Down last week after the Mets vaunted AL type line-up hadn't been hitting. However, I didn't think he was the cause of all of their issues. The Mets have had a number of injuries to position players like Alou, Chavez, and Gomez who are on the DL, Green was on the DL, and Delgado isn't 100 percent amongst others. Plus, the Mets rarely take pitches and work counts.
The Mets chose to go with Howard Johnson who is a fine replacement. Someone had to be fired and you can't fire players. The Yankees fired their "performance enhancement (strength)" coach earlier this season after his new stretching regime reportedly caused numerous Yankees injuries. Speaking of the Yankees, Down used to be the Yankees hitting coach.
For now, I'll give HoJo the benefit of the doubt. Let's hope the Mets build upon last night's 7-0 win over All Star Jake Peavy and the Padres.
Posted by the Tank in NY.
Tuesday, July 17, 2007
Father's Day Jello Wrestling
Welcome to Crash Mansion in the Bowery for Father's Day Jello Wrestling. (Sorry for the late post but I've been busy at work and had poor Internet access on vacation.) Anywho, this is NOT your father's wrestling nor your mother's feminism. It's the world premier sports satire and 21st Century Feminist Fight Club!
I arrived just as the red and white jello was poured in a perfect "Taoist Yin-Yang formation" according to Allen. What can be more harmonious than Amateur Female Jello Wrestling? Nothing, I tell you.
The closed caption Crash Mansion monitors showed clips from previous jello wrestling competitions. Crash Mansion is a really cool setting with large stage and nice couches to sit down. (I pulled my right and left calves this morning at the Father's Day Run Against Prostate Cancer so the couches are a welcome way to take a load off.)
DJ Xerox spins the tunes. Annie is your bartender. Please tip her generously.
It's great to see Captain Zorikh, Jolie Voltaire, and Ann. Ariel from Kindergarten starts the show by playing the harmonica. They then play Dead or Alive's "Spin Me Around".
In the monthly men's hoola hoop contest, I did better than in past months but did not make the finals. It's Andrew versus Dave the Kitten Man and Dave the Kitten Man won.
Ariel from Kindergarten does a great intro for Co-Ed Disco Crisco Twister and Kindergarten's new CD went on sale on Sunday, June 24. Good luck Kindergarten!
Match # 1: Daddy's Dirty Dominatrix versus the H. Katrina.
Katrina is "going to f*ck these b*tches up!". Hey, kids, I can't make this up.
Katrina starts on top. The Dominatrix reverses. The Domantrix throws Katrina. They then roll around. Katrina head slams the Domantrix. They roll around then Katrina spanks the Dominatrix.
They return to their feet. Katrina side tosses the Dominatrix. The Dominatrix spanks and mounts Katrina. The Dominatrix tries to seduce Katrina with a kiss but Katrina rolls out.
The Dominatrix body slams Katrina and she stuffs jello down Katrina's shirt and gets the pin.
Katrina is a good sport and gives the Dominatrix a nice sportswoman kiss. Katrina promises to "hump" the Dominatrix in a future match.
The Domantrix notes that her "daddy taught me well."
Match #2: The Mime versus Our Lady of Perpetual PMS (AKA The Italian Princess of Power).
"As the patron saint of PMS, I like everyone and want to buy everyone a drink. I am really bloated," PMS reports to her followers. Even too much information for me but I am your fearless blogger/journalist/historian.
"Lack of sound (Mime) versus the Fury of PMS," Allen notes.
Both wrestlers lock up. The Mime side tosses PMS. PMS rolls out. The Mime umps in between PMS' legs.
"I love PMS!" the Dominatrix shouts.
PMS rolls the Mime. "It's a silent scream," Allen says.
Motley Crue's "Girls, Girls, Girls" cranks over the speakers.
PMS get on top of the Mime and gets the pin. The wrestlers embrace. What sportswomanship!
In the post-match interview, the Mime puts up her fists and is ready for the next match.
"Of course, I have been bitchy for a week and a half!" PMS reports.
Match #3: The Virgin Princess versus Tatter Snatch.
Jolie Voltiare is your referee.
Snatch fights those who would "destroy cute outfits." Snatch jump rolls into the ring.
They lock arms and runs around. The Virgin throws jello. Snatch gets on top of the Virgin and they roll around as Aerosmith's "Rag Doll" plays.
Snatch throws the Virgin and then slams her into the side of the ring. Snatch pulls the Virgin by the pigtails.
Both wrestlers start throwing jello. They embrace but the Virgin is on top. Snatch reverses as Allen shouts "bring her down."
Snatch goes for the rear pin and wins.
"Remove your white dress!" the Dominatrix commands after the Virgin loses.
"All of you are supporters of the violence which ruined my skirt," Snatch cries.
Match #4: The Mime versus Daddy's Dirty Dominatrix.
The Dominatrix is not afraid of the Mime's invisible weaponry. In fact, she doesn't "feel threatened but excited." The wrestlers size each other up.
The Mime gets off to a quick start with a clothesline and then a hair pull. The Mime is a new jello wrestlers but you wouldn't know it after she executes a waist hold and body slam.
The Dominatrix enjoys the fact that the Mime is "in control and that's how she likes it." "I don't like sluts who are too easy!" the Dominatrix declares.
The Mime continues her offensive and waves finger in D's face. She hair pulls and throws down the Dominatrix. The Dominatrix enjoys being controlled and is smiling when others would grimace.
The wresters again size each other up. The Dominatrix clothesline and bodyslams the Mime.
The Mime rolls out and side slams the Dominatrix. She goes for the pin but only gets a one count.
The Dominatrix recovers and grinds the Mime in the far corner.
The Mime stays on her stomach and avoids the pin. Both wrestlers are both exhausted. Allen compliments the Mime's mastery of the "secret mimic arts."
The Dominatrix slaps the Mime. She executes a leg pull and pins the Mime. The Mime is a good sport and makes the sign of a telephone with her pinky and then points to the Dominatrix to call her.
Allen says that the Dominatrix "is going to take it all the way."
"It's clean fun," the Dominatrix observes. "Family fun for everyone," Allen replies.
Match #5: Tatter Snatch versus H. Katrina.
"You devastated New Orleans fashion b*tch!" Snatch screams.
Katrina promises to smack Snatch down.
They roll and jump around the ring, er kiddie pool. Snatch throws Katrina down.
Snatch rolls around. Katrina is on top. Snatch tries to roll and pin her with a submission leg pull. Snatch rages at not getting the pin.
Katrina reverses and pulls her by the hair. Katrina gets her in a head lock. Snatch tries to spank her way out of trouble. Katrina continues the offensive with a body slam. Katrina is relentless in applying a spanking to Snatch. Snatch barely overcomes this newcomer's onslaught and somehow escapes.
Snatch regroups and starts throwing jello. Snatch distracts Katrina who is used to blowing water around but can she deal with jello?
Katrina has a petite build but is strong and goes for the pin. Snatch rolls out and both start spanking each other.
Snatch loses part of her skirt. Katrina thought she won and started to walk out of the ring. Her rookie mistake costs her as she flips as she goes back into the ring and Snatch pins her.
"I'll blow her away," Katrina says in her post match commentary.
"Nothing can compensate all those New Orleans for losing their Mardi Gras feathers," Snatch cries.
Allen tries to empathize that he had to go topless to get his beads in New Orleans. You learn something new everyday.
Match #6: The Virgin versus Our Lady of Perpetual PMS.
Royal Pink takes the stage.
"I'm bloated as it is," PMS demurs.
"Grace and class," Allen says in describing the Virgin.
Jolie Voltaire is your referee.
They arm lock at the shoulders. PMS takes the Virgin down and they roll around. PMS tries to take off the Virgin's dress. The Virgin reverses and pulls PMS' leg -- literally. PMS throws jello and pulls the Virgin in.
The Virgin takes off her dress and Tatter Snatch runs away with it.
The Virgin pulls PMS down by her hair. PMS counters with a back throws of jello. Genius I tell ya. The Virgin side tosses the Princess and then body slams PMS.
The Virgin dives in between PMS' legs.
"I don't know how she is so adept at diving in between legs," Allen
quips.
PMS flips the Virgin. The Virgin has her in a leg lock. PMS is on top of the Virgin and gets the pin in the far corner.
PMS proudly displays her PMS Crown of various women's health products. I've said it once and I'll say it again, I can't make this stuff up.
"Tonight's my night to fight back!" PMS shouts to her adoring fans.
Let's have a big hand for Allen, Dana, and JV. Kudos to Church for his ring work and working the merchandise table. Billy is the sound man.
Royal Pink is releasing their CD on July at Lit Lounge. For their last song ("Truth or Dare"), Daddy's Little Dominatrix, H. Katrina, PMS, and the Mime dance in front of the stage with a bunch of unidentified with fans. Allen summons Royal Pink into the jello who "may" wrestle.
Seated next to Dave the Kitten Man, Shara is already carrying a bra above her head. Katrina tries to recruit Shira and her friend. Maya should definitely jello wrestle. Maya recently competed at Co-Ed Disco Crisco Twister. H. Katrina and Daddy's Little Dominatrix spank Allen. Allen promises discipline later.
Captain Zorikh explains that he is "Pepe El Pollo (Pepe the Chicken)". Jolie Voltaire is "Arroz Que Salta". Together, they are the unbeatable couple "Arroz Con Pollo.
-------
Championship Round
Match #7: The Virgin Princess versus Daddy's Dirty Dominatrix.
The "Rocky" theme plays.
Jolie Voltaire is your referee.
The Dominatrix slithers into the ring. "I am really drunk," she slurs.
"Some discipline is in order," the Virgin retorts.
"I love sluts!" the Dominatrix exclaims. The Princess throws off the her white jacket. Tatter Snatch runs and grabs the jacket.
The Dominatrix inebriation catches up with her as the Princess throws and flips her. The Virgin falls but quickly recovers to pull the Dominatrix down by the hair. The Dominatrix jumps in between the Virgin's legs. The Dominatrix tries a side pin but the Virgin kicks out.
The Virgin leg grabs and throws the Dominatrix. The Virgin body slams the Dominatrix and spanks her. "I like it!" the Dominatrix shouts.
"Does this qualify as a wrestling match?" Allen asks. Close enough for government work I say.
The Virgin throws the Dominatrix. Not to be outdone, the Dominatrix kicks out with solid hip thrusts that would make any WWE Diva proud.
Both wrestlers roll around. The Dominatrix spanks the Virgin and the Dominatrix returns the favor. Enraged, the Virgin pulls down the Dominatrix panties and puts jello in them.
The Virgin almost has a wardrobe malfunction of her own. The Dominatrix tries to pin the Virgin on her back but she resists. The Virgin puts up a good fight and pulls the Dominatrix panties down again.
The Dominatrix somehow regains her composure and gets the pin. "You're my Virgin!" the Dominatrix declares upon her victory over the Virgin.
"Drunkenness beats sobriety!" the Virgin concedes.
"Drunkenness and sex beats sobriety and chastity," Allen astutely concurs.
Match #8: H. Katrina versus the Mime.
Katrina takes her shirt off and side steps into the ring. The Mime takes off her shirt.
The Dominatrix wants Katrina to take off her shorts but Katrina cautions public viewing of her "hairy m*ff".
In the spirit of compromise, the Dominatrix removes Katrina's jean skirt and then spanks her. This is a match within the match.
Back to the match at hand, Katrina is literally wound up and tries to spear the Mime. They roll around but the Mime gets a quick pin on Katrina.
Katrina pulls the Mime back into the ring and pins her. Just goes to show you that it's never over till its over.
Katrina doesn't stop and tries to pull down the Mime's shorts.
"I want your babies!" the Dominatrix cries. Katrina jumps into the Dominatrix arms. All's well that ends well. 
Match #9: Tatter Snatch versus Our Lady of Perpetual PMS.
These are the two angriest women here.
PMS is not easy to cope with once a month (or so they say) and Snatch is on a mission of her own.
"Nothing has worried more clothing than PMS!" Snatch shouts.
Both PMS and Snatch run, jump and roll into the ring.
Snatch is on top but not for long. Snatch pushes PMS down. Snatch then pushes her away.
PMS dives Snatch's legs. "Many women have been brought down by PMS!" Allen declares.
Snatch mounts PMS from behind. Snatch gets an arm hold around PMS' neck and body slams her.
Both women yell at each other. Daddy's Dirty Dominatrix takes the mike and shouts that she is rooting for Tatter Snatch because I love snatch!"
Snatch tries for a back pin and half nelson. Snatch lams PMS's head into the side ring. PMS counters by spanking Snatch.
"I'm on the rag and you can't tear it off!" PMS tells Snatch.
Ariel cheers on PMS.
Pepe weighs in and says that "Gringo jello lucho is different from Mexican jello lucho. I can not trust a woman who can bleed for five days and not die."
Snatch gets the pin.
Pepe tries to recruit PMS and Snatch but Snatch does not like Arroz's mask.
"You can't get rid of me!" PMS informs all who will listen to hear her post-match interview.
"Stop fighting to save the clothing!" Snatch beseeches the crowd.
Match #10: Daddy's Dirty Little Dominatrix versus the Mime.
Kindergarten plays "Eye of the Tiger" which really gets the crowd and the wrestlers into the action. Wasting no time, the Mime pushes the Dominatrix into the ring.
The Mime flips the Dominatrix. The Dominatrix counters and tries to seduce the Mime. (The Dominatrix had me seduced hours ago.)
The Mime has a side head lock and flips the Dominatrix. The Dominatrix staggers around the ring like Rocky and Clubber in Rocky.
"Is she up for the challenge of her life?". I wonder.
Yes, she is as the Dominatrix body slams the Mime. The Dominatrix goes for and gets the pin.
In her anger, the Mime puts jello down the Dominatrix's top.
When asked in the post match interview if she will return, the Mime nods her head which means she'll be back.
The Dominatrix puts jello down the back of the Mime's shorts. The Dominatrix enjoys it when the Mime puts jello down her top. "I am only afraid of *ss jello," she says in her post-match interview.
Match #11: Tatter Snatch versus a Wild Card Opponent.
Who will it be? The Virgin Princess, PMS, and H. Katrina?
"Death, taxes, and PMS!" PMS promises in her candidacy for the slot. But in verbal vote of the crowd, H. Katrina is your Wild Card wrestler.
"Regardless of your clothes, I'm taking you down!" Snatch boasts. In her response, Katrina takes off her jean skirt.
Snatch is enraged and insulted. She dive rolls into the ring and flips Katrina.
Not to be out, Kindergarten cranks up the "A-Team" theme. Gotta love it, it just keeps getting better.
They roll and jump around as I am hit by jello. Katrina tries to head slam Snatch but she somehow escapes. Snatch uses her momentum to pull Katrina down. Katrina reveres. She doesn't let up when she puts jello down Snatch's shorts. Snatch is now enraged as her panties now show. Katrina uses Snatch's pique to her advantage and body slams Snatch. Snatch get up while Katrina slips and Snatch goes for the pin.
Katirna blows wind on Snatch and they slip and roll around to my ringside location. All for you our loyal readers.
Snatch tries to remove her bra. Snatch confiscates it. Katrina pull off Snatch's bra. Both women are bra less and my Dad is thankfully out of the hospital so this has to be the best Father's Day ever.
They roll around. Katrina tries to take off Snatch's waist garment. Snatch side scoops jello into Katrina's face.
"Hey lady, take off your shirt!" Jolie Voltaire shouts.
"These titties are going to blow away the competition next time," Katrina exclaims.
"You created a hurricane in my panty region," Daddy's Dirty Dominatrix seductively says.
Match # 12 - The Championship Match: Tater Snatch versus Daddy's Dirty Dominatrix.
"I'm just sick of people pulling off clothing," Snatch declares as she and Jolie Voltaire make out.
Not to be outdone, H. Katrina and Daddy's Dirty Dominatrix are in each arms.
Who will lose their clothes? Are there any losers in Amateur Female Jello Wrestling? I think not, we are all winners.
The Dominatrix flip rolls into the ring and Snatch dives in.
They stare each other down. Kindergarten cranks Europe's classic "The Final Countdown".
"We're leaving together!" Ariel sings as both wrestlers roll to my ringside location. I can only hope.
Arroz is your co-Announcer.
The Dominatrix hip thrusts Snatch off of her.
The photographer gets kicked in the groin.
Snatch pulls in the Dominatrix and pulls part of her top off. Snatch's top rolls off. Arroz is speechless at this development.
Snatch is on top of the Dominatrix. Snatch goes for the infamous arm through the groin pull.
The Dominatrix takes off her top.
I almost get kicked in the groin by Snatch.
The Dominatrix tries to lick Snatch's nipple. Snatch pulls the Dominatrix down. They roll around again.
Snatch mounts the Dominatrix from behind but "that won't get the pin" as you have to pin the wrestler on her back Allen reminds the audience.
The Dominatrix slams Snatch's head into the side ring. Jello flies all around including at me.
The crowd gets into it and shouts "The Final Countdown" following Ariel and Kindergarten's great lead.
"I'm disappointed," Katrina sighs.
The Dominatrix promises Allen a "private tutorial."
"If you can't keep it in your pants, keep it in the family!" Allen exclaims. Amateur Female Jello Wrestling is more "pro family" in ways the Sopranos could never dream of.
Allen has to discipline the Dominatrix and spanks her three times. Allen is speechless and I am about to faint. The night just started to get interesting...
Posted by a flush and exhilarated Tank reporting Live from Crash Mansion in the Bowery of Manhattan.
Monday, July 16, 2007
Welcome to Kiner's Korner
No, it's not Channel 9 or 11 on your television but everyone is invited to Kiner's Korner for Ralph Kiner Night at Shea Stadium. For the uninitiated, Kiner's Korner is the Mets post-game show where Ralph interviewed the star of game.
The Mets really threw a great celebration for Ralph on Saturday night at Shea. Ernie Harwell, Ed Kranepool, Bud Harrelson, Rusty Staub, Jerry Koosman, Keith Hernandez, Bob Feller, Yogi Berra, and Tom Seaver were among the legends who showed up to pay tribute. During the game, the left field television screen showed video tributes from fellow legends like Harry Kalas of the Phillies, Vin Scully of the Dodgers, and Jon Miller of the Giants.
As great as broadcaster that he was for the past 45 years, Ralph was a Hall of Fame player with 369 home runs in ten seasons in a career that was cut short by back injuries. He had 50 plus home runs in two seasons which was unheard of in his day. He had more home runs on a per at bat basis since Babe Ruth. All this while playing on some pretty bad Pittsburgh Pirates teams.
When it was his turn to take the stage, Ralph told Casey Stengel stories including the first show where Casey didn't remove his microphone and pulled down the stage set as he walked off the set. In the Mets first few seasons, they lost the first nine, eight, and seven games, respectively, and were rained out in first three games of the fourth season. However, before the end of the 1960s, the Mets reached the Promised Land with a World Championship in 1969.
The Mets gave Ralph and his wife a cruise to anywhere in the world they wanted. MC Howie Rose thanked him for being the "soundtrack of summer." Ralph dreamed of being a major league ball player since he was seven years old. He thanked everyone for making that dream possible and making his broadcasting career a success. Ralph's legacy will live on as the current television booth at Shea and the future television booth at the new Citi Field will be named after him.
After the memorable pre-game ceremony in perfect weather, Tom Glavine pitched a two-hitter gem and the Mets won 2-1. A perfect ending to a memorable evening.
Posted by the Tank reporting Live from Shea Stadium in Queens, NY.
Sunday, July 15, 2007
298
Tom Glavine took one more step towards history last night. Throwing an 8 inning two hitter, Glavine left in the top of the 8th with the game tied 1-1. Luckily for Glavine, the annoying and arrogant immature Lastings Milledge game through with an RBI hit to make Ralph Kiner night a memorable one. Glavine pitches again on Thursday against the LA Dogers for 299, then hopefully goes for #300 home at Shea. Posted By Steve in New York
Saturday, July 14, 2007
Clear up the Madness, Joe's not a racist!
Gary Sheffield was traded last year by the Yankees because he is a bit crazy and an outspoken drama queen. Yesterday he reminded us why he was traded away: he shoots his mouth. Yesterday in an interview to air on HBO on Tuesday, Sheff contented that Yankees' manager Joe Torre is a racist. Players who stop producing, or in Sheff's case, whine and complain about not being treated like a king, will pull the race card as a last resort. This reminds me of George Foster in 1986 when he had like 1 home run in 40 games stating that Davey Johnson was a raciest. Joe Torre, a fellow St. Francis Prep alumni, a manager of the Mets for 5 seasons and 12 with the Yankees, is not a raciest. Nothing in his behavior with 17 years on baseball's largest stage, indicates it. No other players have ever come forward with a complaint. Just Gary Sheffield. In fact most players who played under Joe Torre have come out to defend him. Steve and the Tank to Gary Sheffield: GROW UP! You are 38 years old and have been playing professional baseball in the big leagues for 19 seasons. You are a veteran and you should act like one. You complain that everything wrong in your life is not his fault. You are paid good money to play the game and keep your mouth shut. Posted by Steve in New York.
Friday, July 13, 2007
Thursday, July 12, 2007
Yankees Comeback Blueprint
I promised to deliver the way for the Yankees to comeback and make the playoffs. I reviewed the schedule with my friend Nina, the classic pessimist, and came up with the following. OK, here goes.
(1) From tonight on, the Yankees do NOT play a team above .500 until August 10, the Cleveland Indians. Let's hope there aren't too many D-Rays games against Scott Kazmir. (Kazmir not being on the Mets hurts Steve and Linda as much as it does me.)
(2) After August 10, the Yankees have head-to-head games against teams ahead of them in the Wild Card (Indians, Mariners) and Division (Red Sox) races. Time to do some damage.
(3) Need the Indians and Mariners to start fading. They both face tough division opponents like the Tigers, White Sox, Twins, Angels, As. I am hoping for them to start beating up on each other and play around .500 or hopefully worse.
(4) The starting pitching is improved (especially Wang and Clemens), Ramirez looks promising (touch wood), and Mariano hasn't been overused in the first half as in years past.
(5) The Yankees won five out of seven games last week before the All Star Break against playoff caliber teams like the Angels and Twins. They showed lots of fight and character. Winners never quit and quitters never win.
At 42-43, the Yankees need to win 52, or about 2 out of 3 of their remaining 77 games, to get to 94 wins. This should secure a Wild Card or Division crown, probably the former. If the Yankees get hot like the Minnesota Twins last summer at 33-8, I would sleep much better. The Twins made up about 14 games last summer and won the AL Central. Kind of sounds like the Yankees in 1978.
As for the Mets, I think they will be fine, touch wood. They have had lots of injuries and issues but still lead the NL East. Pedro should be back in August for a few tune-up games before the playoffs. Their biggest obstacle between them and the World Series is the San Diego Padres.
Bottom Line: I will hopefully get much needed Subway Series closure with some good baseball and your thoughts and prayers. Many thanks in advance!
Posted by a cautiously optimistic Tank in NY.
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