 Wednesday, February 28, 2007
Knicks Needed a Win in Beantown Tonight
The Knicks had a great win on Monday night beating Shaq and the Heat 99-93 at the Garden. They need to continue their momentum as they are only 2.0 games out of playoffs behind the Nets, Heat, and Magic who are tied for the seventh and eighth spots. Only two of these four teams will make the playoffs as everyone from the Pacers to the Pistons are a pretty sure bet to make the playoffs.
If the Knicks want to make the playoffs, they have to beat the Celtics in Boston tonight. Yes, Jamal Crawford is most likely out for the season. David Lee may not play tonight because of injury. They have to find a way to win against the lowly Celtics. Are the Knicks a playoff team? Games like tonight will help answer this question.
Posted by the Tank in NY.
Tuesday, February 27, 2007
Where Will the Rocket Roger Clemens Pitch in 2007?
As the Tank was returning from Mexico via the Houston Bush Intercontinental Airport yesterday, the car passed by Minute Maid Stadium, home of the Houston Astros. The Tank's thoughts joyfully changed to baseball and the 2007 status of home town hero and free agent pitcher Roger Clemens. As the Tank was talking to friends before our flights took us to our different home towns a few minutes later, the Tank didn't focus too much on Clemens' status.
However, in a weird karamic way, Clemens' name came up again as the Tank returned home and started to catch up on NY sports on 1050 AM ESPN Radio. Michael Kaye had a good interview with ESPN reporter and Baseball Hall of Fame Writer Peter Gammons. Gammons gave some interesting perspective on Clemens agents trying to get top dollar which is to be expected. Gammons also referenced Clemens' respect for Joe Torre and Derek Jeter.
Should Clemens return to New York? Steve and Linda passed on him last year for the Mets but the Tank would sign him in a heart beat for the Yankees. Even part time, Clemens is a future Hall of Famer and has a great work ethic to inspire young pitchers and hopefully even veterans like Mike Mussina (as unlikely as it would be given Moose's stubbornness). More importantly, Clemens would be pitching with his best friend, Andy Pettitte. At the advice of the Tank's therapist, the Tank is trying to forget that Andy ever left the Yankees as the pain was felt all the way to the cellular level. The Tank's source whose sister worked at MLB "guaranteed" that Andy would return in 2004 but the source jinxed the Yankees and the Tank.
Therefore, the Tank will not "guarantee" Rocket's return to pinstripes, only guaranteeing prayers for his return. Speaking of prayers, I echo Steve's thoughts and prayers for the X-Man, Xavier Nady, for a fast and speedy recovery. Thank you very much! Sincerely, The Tank
Posted by a hopeful Tank back from vacation in NY.
Monday, February 26, 2007
Well Wishes for the X-Man
It was very sad to see Xavier Nady go. Now it looks like more bad news for the X-Man, he was hospitalized this week for intestinal inflammation and will be examined tomorrow to determine if he has a chronic condition. The doctors asked him if he had a family history of Crohn's disease, the same disease that eventually sidelined Tho Fleury. Crohn’s disease is a chronic, episodic, inflammatory condition of the gastrointestinal tract characterized by transmural inflammation.
Apparently the X-Man’s cousin has Crohn’s and the doctors are just being extra safe. Keep the X-Man in your thoughts.
Posted by Steve in New York.
Sunday, February 25, 2007
ACC v Big East
Steve’s parent’s St. John’s and the Yankees of College Basketball Duke (18) have a contract that started today that has them play each other once each season over the next four years. ACC and Big East. A great thing for SJU and for Duke as well since SJU is a rough and tumble college basketball program. The boys from Queens usually play on cement courts and ride the subway to Madison Square Garden for the game.
As we walk into today’s sell out game at the World’s Most Famous Arena, a few minutes into the game, SJU was down 14-4. As we settled in, SJU was playing great defense, but not shooting and when they did, they shot poorly. Around 24-8 I started to worry. At t half it was 34-10 and I started to get tons of SMS from my friends mocking me.
St. John’s started to show some life in the second half. They come out strong, immediately getting a three pointer and then another field goal to get 50% of their first half points in the first two minutes of the second half. St. John's then began to show some life and had a nice little 10-2 run to pull to 46-29 with 9:35 to go. However, Duke came right back with a three point shot and the game was pretty much history. The Red Storm did make it respectable and had an 8-0 run, to pull to 51-39 with 4:15 left. The defense was still strong and at this point SJU played much better than the score implied, but the score on the scoreboard is what counts. The final buzzer was Duke 67-SJU 50. Duke has now won 4 straight over the former Redmen.
In the end, MSG was sold out, the crowd was buzzing and the decision to have Duke play SJU is a good one. Looking foward to next year's game.
Posted by Steve, Live from the World’s Most Famous Arena.
Saturday, February 24, 2007
Cozumel Greetings
As some of you know, the Tank is on vacation in Cozumel, Mexico.
Before dinner starts in a few minutes, I checked my e-mail and wanted to check in and say hello to all our great readers. I'll be back in the City That Never Sleeps Soon with reports on my adventures in a few days.
Posted by the Tank in Cozumel, Mexico.
Friday, February 23, 2007
Willie Wanted to Bunt
Cliff Floyd said the other day that Willie wanted to bunt in the bottom of the 9th in Game 7 then changed his mind. Let's not second guess Willie, he did a great job and got the Mets all the way to Game 7.
I'll miss Cliff, but not that much.
Thursday, February 22, 2007
The Rickey Effect
2006 will be remembered for the Mets winning the NL East in a commanding fashion, their first division championship since 1988. Even thought starting pitching broke down completely (every opening day roster starter went down at some point in the season, and several of the replacements went down too) the bats did not break down. Carlos Beltran had an MVP year, the kind of year that Mets fans expected when he came over. People will argue that he “adjusted” to New York, I will argue it was the influence of Carlos Delgado in the clubhouse and behind him in the lineup. (Just look how David Wright’s numbers went down in the second half when Xavier Nady was no longer protecting him.)
Another reason the Mets had such a great year was Jose Reyes, the most exciting player in Major League Baseball. The Mets hired Rickey Henderson, the best leadoff hitter of all time, last year in Spring Training to work with Reyes. They worked on at-bat discipline, reading the pitcher, pitch selection and more. Rickey Henderson’s effect on Jose Reyes has been amazing. Rickey also came back mid-season for a follow-up (which was not really needed.) Jose already has the talent, now he has the experience and patience to foster it all the way to Cooperstown. Reyes had the kind of year that the wins championships. Rickey is back in Florida to work with Reyes this spring. Expect more of the same in 2007.
Posted by Steve in New York.
Wednesday, February 21, 2007
SNY B-Day Present to Steve
Sports NY aired Game 6 from the 1986 World Series last night for Steve's birthday. I would like to say to fellow Mets fans is that we should start thinking about how special 2006 was, even though we did not win the World Series. It does not get more dramatic to 2 outs, bottom of the 9th of Game 7 of the NLCS with the bases loaded, 2 strikes and your MVP candidate at the plate. Too bad that pitch was nasty.
As I said to the Tank walking out of Shea that night, well, I guess we have to wait next year. Well it is next year! Go Mets in 2007!
Tuesday, February 20, 2007
Blood Brother
When A-Rod was traded to the Yankees my girlfriend said: “I don’t think he and Jeter will get along.” Well it turns out she is right. A-Rod today admitted that he and Jeter don’t get along anymore.
I was a defender of A-Rod last year on these very pages last year. I still believe in his ability to play. He wins you games. But the media have turned on him and he is no longer in a position to succeed. Time to trade him back to Texas where he belongs.
Monday, February 19, 2007
Caveat emptor
Barry Zito changed his delivery to use his "lower body more" according to a late Friday night report on ESPN 1050 AM. Former Yankee star and current Giants pitching coach Dave Righetti is reported going off the deep end. The Mets were lucky they didn't sign this guy as his mechanics and durability were great but changing it could increase the likelihood of injury.
Instead of changing his mechanics, Zito should work on his endurance as he sometimes tires too soon. If Zito did sign with the Mets, his former pitching coach Rick Peterson would probably not approve from the change. The Mets would have overpaid for a guy who is changing what got him there.
Once again, I have to say that losing out on the Barry Zito sweepstakes was not the end of the world. The Mets have the solid front part of the rotation and John Maine who was dependable in the must win game 6 and two other playoff starts, including NLDS Game 1. Perez of course is Russian roulette, but he did pitch amazing in must win Game 7 battling the unhittable Supran and when he is on, he is nasty.
If Glavine and El Duque stay healthy and Maine and Perez stay solid, the Mets have so many options for the back slot. Remember last year the entire opening day rotation went down at one point in the season or post season. At one point the Mets had Jose Lima pitching must win games against the Yankees and Randy Johnson. The rookies Mike Pelfrey and Philip Humber can compete for the 5th slot with Chan Ho Park as well as a slew of others. If one of them doesn’t work, or someone goes down, someone else can fill the role, just like last year. If everyone stays healthy until July when Pedro comes back, the Mets can consider a six man rotation.
Pitchers do go down and the older pitchers, Glavine and el Duque, will need to miss a start here or there to stay sharp. The good news is that you have automatic slack built into the system when Pedro returns.
Would I have been happy to see Barry Zito in a Mets uniform, even with the change in delivery. Sure. Would I rather Pedro giving us 200 innings instead of 100 this year? Sure. But the Mets rotation is just fine for 2007. It is no worse than last year and with Victor Z gone, you can argue it is better.
Posted by Steve in New York.
Sunday, February 18, 2007
Hofstra 65- Holy Cross 64
We file into the court at Hofstra and the game is sold out! My dad almost had to scalp a ticket, but we were able to get him one. Holy Cross has been on a roll, they won 13 out of their last 14 and were the favorites. I was there with my cousins, a whole family of Hofstra alumni, my cousin Bob is the time keeper at Hofstra, so we are rooting hard for the home team.
Antoine Agudio scored 19 points for Hofstra, who had the lead most of the game and lead by 5 at the half. The game was pretty much controlled by Hofstra and Arminas Urbutis hit a 10-foot jumper to give Hofstra a 56-48 advantage with 8:50 to go. At this point it looked locked up. The last part of the game was controlled mostly by Holy Cross, but Holy Cross had poor shot clock management, letting the 35 second shot clock wind down too many times, sacrificeing 35 seconds for no points. Holy Cross then went on an 11-3 run to tie it 59-59 with 3:39 left.
Alex Vander Baan's tip-in with 1:35 remaining had given the Holy Cross a 64-63 lead. The natives were getting restless. My cousin says that Holy Cross never had the lead, and a Holy Cross alum in front of us reminds us that they did in the 1st half. (I think when it was like 5-4.) After Eric Meister missed two foul shots with 18 seconds on the clock, Carlos Rivera was fouled with 1.7 seconds on the clock. My cousin Bob’s son Brian and I were speculating that we may have some help with the clock if needed. Brian also told me that Carlos Rivera has an over 80% free throw percentage. Good news for Hofstra since he made them both, giving Hofstra a 65-64 lead! The crowd went wild as the Holy Cross jump shot at mid-court was short and Hofstra wins! What an exciting game.
Posted LIVE! by Steve from Long Island.
Saturday, February 17, 2007
Valentine's Jello Wrestling
If it is the second Sunday of the month, then it must be time for the world's premier sports SATIRE, Amateur Female Jello Wrestling. Amateur Female Jello Wrestling is not your father's wrestling nor your mother's feminism. It has to be seen live to be believed.
Tonight's edition of Amateur Female Jello Wrestling takes place live for the first time from the legendary Don Hills music club on Greenwich and Spring Streets in Tribeca, Manhattan. This is the Tank's first trip to Don Hills after having to work when Ace Frehey played at a show hosted by the one and only Eddie Trunk a few years ago. Eddie is the king of heavy metal media and the hardest working man in show biz with gigs on VH1 Classic, XM Satellite Radio, and local classic rock station Q104.3. He's also a really cool guy too as Bay Ridge Bob and I met him after winning tickets to see TT Quick at L'Amours, the late great rock capitol of Brooklyn, in 1999. Back to Don Hills. "I am a human radio station, not a disc jockey. I am the transmitter, the tower..." cranks out of the speakers. It can only be one person, DJ Moldover. A great mix of "Tainted Love" cranks as "Church", some guy whose name I don't know, and the Tank pour the Valentine's Day red colored jello into a brand new octagon shaped kiddie pool. Please note, the jello is still vegan as always. There are numerous new faces, both inside and outside the ring. Since regular Amateur Female Jello Wrestlers like her Majesty the Italian Princess of Power and Santa's Little Helper (AKA the Ice Princess) are not present, tonight's competition is relatively wide open. The early experience advantage goes to Pan Asian Jungle. As the action is about to start, the Tank refills his OJ with water and sees Mary J. Blige win a Grammy beating out India Arie "I'm Not My Hair" amongst others. I wish she saved some of her hair for my upcoming hair transplant. 
It's time to get this party started as Dana introduces her co-host, Dirty Diana (AKA Veronica Vicious), and musical guests, Rotten Cherri. Rotten Cherri's lead singer, Stephanie, looks and sounds like a cross between Pat Benatar, Joan Jett, and Gwen Stefani. The Tank is looking forward to seeing Gwen performing at Jones Beach on May 20 with Steve, Kathleen, and Linda.
Rotten Cherri cranks out the "Jealous Girl". The rest of the crowd and I hoped she would be "Jello Girl". "You can do it!" some guy exclaimed from the back. As Rotten Cherri finishes their set, Shakira and Wyclef Jean are about to take the stage at the Grammy's. While traveling through Dubai to Australia last year, it seemed like every radio station from the USA to the Middle East to Australia was cranking "Hips Don't Lie". Indeed, Shakira's hips don't lie. Rotten Cheri finishes strong with "23" and "Cherry Bomb". Well done! Annie Rock does a great job finding and booking bands. DJ Lokey's lady friend, Mistress Anestnesia, will be wrestling tonight. Kudos DJ Lokey! The Tank, "Church", Seth, and the "Handsome Sound Man" participate in the hoola hoop contest. The Tank does slightly better than last month but the "Handsome Sound Man" wins out. Not only is Dirty Diana is doing a Anna Nicole Tribute tonight, it is her real birthday. Happy birthday "Dirty Diana"! "Dirty Diana" announces the rules of AFJW, the Feminist Fight Club. Without further ado, let's get ready to jello wrestle. (1) Tinkerbell versus Princess Tiger Lilly: Tinkerbell claims to have magical powers. Princess Tiger Lilly claims to rip her wings off. Princess Tiger Lilly looks lots like Pocahontas. They lock arms up and both newcomers struggle to stay on their feet as they break in the new large octagonal kiddie pool which replaces the rectangular kiddie pool used in earlier editions of Amateur Female Jello Wrestling.
Tinkerbell slams Princess Tiger Lilly to the side. Both ladies throw jello at each other. Tinkerbell side slams and then side flips Princess Tiger Lilly. Princess Tiger Lilly somehow miraculously recovers and Tinkerbell slips and falls to the canvas (okay base of the kiddie pool). Princess Tiger Lilly takes advantage and gets the pin.
(2) Princess Anesthesia versus Acid (AKA Pinga Roma from January): This is chemical warfare at its worst. Let's hope Iranian President Ahmadinejad learns of these ladies and backs down from his weapons building program before it's too late.
"When I am done with her, she is going to need an injection!" Acid declares. For the uninitiated, Acid wrestled as Pinga Roma in the January edition of Amateur Female Jello Wrestling.
The time for talking is over. Princess Anesthesia gets off to a slow start as she slips. Both wrestlers roll around in the jello. Acid recovers and body slams Princess Anesthesia. Acid grabs Princess Anesthesia by the hair. Princess Anesthesia somehow recovers. Standin for one moment and then the fight goes to the canvas. Acid has the balance advantage and goes for the rear leg lock. Princess Anesthesia somehow kicks out.
Princess Anesthesia goes on the offensive and tries for the pin.
Acid counters and chokes Princess Anesthesia before Amateur Female Jello Wrestling Founder and Referee Dana warns both wrestlers. As Princess Anesthesia goes to bear hug Acid, Anesthesia takes her down in a side head lock, takes her to the mat, and gets the pin.
This is an upset as Acid is trained in Korean martial arts. Gents, you do not want to try to pick up Acid at a bar because you will be in a leg headlock before you can sneeze. The Tank is smart and professional enough to avoid this fate.
(3) Snake Priestess versus Lady Venom: Not only being a snake oriented match, it is also a drunken match as both wrestlers have been drinking before the match.
Both wrestlers size each other up. Lady Venom compliments the Snake Priestess' stalkings.
The match gets off to a fast start as Lady Venom goes for the leg hook. They roll around and then go for double arm bars. Lady Venom body slams the Snake Priestess.
Lady Venom sizes up her prey and pins the Snake Priestess.
(4) The Claw versus Sweet Kahlua Spice: This is the first sisters match that I have covered. The Claw stole Sweet Kahlua's Spice boyfriend when they were growing up.
They get off to a fast start as they probably battled many times back home. The jello starts flying and even the Tank is hit by jello. Who say blogging isn't hazardous?
They fall quickly and then stand up.
The Claw flips and kicks Sweet Kahlua Spice.
Sweet Kahlua Spice gets her revenge and pins the Claw. "Good wins over evil!" Dirty Diana exclaims.
Sweet Kahlua Spice "feels even sweeter" after she is covered with jello.
(5) Bliz Blizow versus Secret Super Slut: I can't make these names up and got the sign in sheet to confirm. Secret Super Slut is the woman that women hate and guys want to be with.
"I'm going to slut all over you," Secret Super Slut declares.
Onto the match, Bliz Blizow falls. Super Secret Slut body slams Bliz Blizow as Moldover cranks out Peter Gabriel's "Big Time"!
Bliz Blizow does a knee level suplex from the mat. In competing cheers, "Slut it out" cheers win over "Bliz Blizow".
Bliz Blizow pins Secret Super Slut. In post-match commentary, Secret Super Slut "feels slimey".
(6) The Forest versus the Pan Asian Jungle: Asian Race War.
Being a past Amateur Female Jello Wrestler, Pan Asian Jungle wins over the crowd with her experience and beauty.
Pan Asian Jungle has the height advantage and slams the Forest to the ground. Pan Asian Jungle applies the unique "arse shaking" hold on the Forest.
Pan Asian Jungle has the advantage until she slims and does a full gymnastics split.
The Forest legs dives through the taller Pan Asian Jungle.
Pan Asian Jungle goes for the shoulder slam. The Forest beats her fists on her chest.
Pan Asian Jungle hooks a Figure 4 to a roll around.
The Forest counters by spanking Pan Asian Jungle.
The Forest rolls out of the pin.
Pan Asian Jungle is out of gas and the Forest gets the pin.
"Very humiliated!" Pan Asian Jungle screams in a full Chinese accent in her post-match commentary.
(7) The Claw versus Bra-ta!:
"I will slap her down!" the Claw taunts Bra-ta! in her pre-match commentary.
Dirty Diana encourages the Brooklyn cheers.
As the ladies step into the ring, it is slick going as the both slip going into the ring. They fall into the end and start before Dana's whistle.
Bra-ta! starts up top. The Claw counters with a side slam. Both wrestlers roll around. Bra-ta pull the Claw's leg and then body slams her. The Claw counters with a clothesline. Bra-ta recovers and body slams the Claw.
Bra-ta! goes for the pin but the Claw kicks out.
They arm lock up but quickly fall down.
The Claw pulls Bra-ta's hair and slams her.
The Claw gets the win.
"I'll be back!" Bra-ta! declares in her post-match commentary.
(8) Secret Super Slut versus Kahlua Spice:
"I'll show you whose spicy!" Secret Super Slut boasts.
The match gets off to a great start as Kahlua Spice throws Secret Super Slut.
Secret Super Slut counters and body slams Kahlua Spice. As LL Cool J's "Mama Said Knock You Out" blares over the speakers, both wrestlers go for the hair pull. Kahlua Spice can't get the hair pull because Secret Super Slut is wearing a bandanna.
Secret Super Slut somehow counters and pins Kahlua Spice. In her post-match commentary, Secret Super Slut said that she feels "thoroughly slutty."
(9) Tinkerbell versus Acid:
"I'll smack the prissiness out of her!" Acid boasts.
Tinkerbell asks the crowd to clap if you are rooting for her.
Acid is a serious mixed martial artist and is wearing her fighting gloves. She gains the early advantage with the hair hold. Acid quickly gets Tinkerbell on her stomach. Tinkberbell counters.
"Clap if you like Acid!" Dirty Diana screams. Dirty Diana says that she sometimes likes acid.
Acid throws Tinkerbell. Tinkerbell gets a side throw. Tinkerbell goes for the pin but only gets a one count. Acid reverses the pin and gets the pin.
Acid high fives her fans including the Tank. Acid thanks Dirty Diana even more with a post-match kiss. To paraphrase Rod Stewart, "some ladies have all the luck."
(10) Lady Venom versus Mistress Anesthesia:
"I feel like Janet Jackson at the Super Bowl," Mistress Anesthesia says.
In a quick start, Mistress Anesthesia goes for the hair pull. Lady Venom stands up and side throws Mistress Anesthesia. Mistress Anesthesia recovers and body slams Lady Venom.
After slipping, both wrestlers get back on their feet. Mistress Anesthesia spanks Lady Venom. Lady Venom counters with a clothesline. Mistress Anesthesia has the advantage but Lady Venom counters.
Lady Venom pins Mistress Anesthesia in the far corner.
(11) Snake Priestess versus Tiger Lily:
Though short, Tiger Lily claims to have lots of "power in small package."
"White woman submit!" Pan Asian Jungle shouts before the match begins. Pan Asian Jungle wants the Snake Priestess. The Tank prayed for a three way match but only two wrestlers are allowed at once.
Dirty Diana says this is becoming a Britney Spears video. I expect Paris Hilton and Lindsay Lohan to show up any moment.
Both wrestlers roll around but Pan Asian Jungle uses her height advantage to her advantage. Pan Asian Jungle rolls the Snake Priestess back into the ring.
Wow! Reverse German Suplex! WWE superstar Chris "The Crippler" Benoit is somewhere smiling. The Snake Priestess somehow rolls up. They both stand. The Snake Priestess tries a leg hold but Pan Asian Jungle just smiles. Pan Asian Jungle tries for the pin but Snake Priestess rolls out. Pan Asian Jungle reapplies the pin and wins. "Tired!" Pan Asian Jungle pants in her post-match commentary. There is the first Captain Zorikh sighting as we go into a 10 minute intermission as Psychic Drive takes the stage. Moldover cranks "Let's Get It On" by Marvin Gaye. Intermission Interview: Being one of the hardest working journalists in the business, the Tank interviews Snake Priestess is reviewing for uncoolkids.com Though a first time Amateur Female Jello Wrestler, Snake Priestess that she is going to win it all. The Tank repairs to the bar to rehydrate with more orange juice and water before his next interview. As the Tank waits for his drinks, Smokey Robinson and Lionel Richie play at the Grammy's on the TVs over the bar at Don Hills. Since there is no sound, PermaGuest Outlaw Jack better be recording this for me as he couldn't make it tonight. "Is it Kanye in the red jacket?" the Tank wonders allowed. When he was younger, the Tank used to break dance like the little kids in the matching red jackets. The Tank briefly interviews the Snake Priestess, Pan Asian Tiger, and the Snake Priestess. Before suffering a knee injury, the Claw was a brown belt in judo. Even injured, you don't want to get on the Claw's bad side. The risks that the Tank takes to bring the story to his readers. The Tank thankfully escapes unharmed and get ready to blog again.
As we come back from intermission, Dirty Diana asks that unofficial photos NOT be taken. No worries faithful SteveAndTheTank.com readers, our photos are official and legit as evidenced by the official press pass at the top of my shirt. Furthermore, I signed the waiver back in December and always take photos in the best taste, intentions, and artistic integrity. We are now in the Elimination Round where the monthly champion will be crowned. (12) Secret Super Slut versus Tinkerbell: Tinkerbell once again asks her fans to clap. Both wrestlers finger and arm lock. Secret Super Slut tries a side slam and then they roll around. Tinkerbell falls to her knees. Secret Super Slut tries for the pin but Tinkerbell kicks out. Tinkerbell counters with a side slam and then gets on top of Secret Super Slut. Dirty Diana notes that being on her back is "her normal position." Tinkerbell pins Secret Super Slut. (13) Bliz Blizow versus Lady Venom: Dana reminds everyone that Lady Venom is the Co-Ed Disco Crisco twister champion. One multi-talented lady!
Dana reminds everyone of the upcoming Co-Ed Disco Crisco Twister on Sunday, February 18, at Arlene's Grocery.
Lady Venom gets the early advantage. Lady Venom slips and Bliz Blizow gymnastic splits out. Lady Venom tries to pin Bliz Blizow but she esacpes. Lady Venom gets on top again but Bliz Blizow kicks out.
Bliz Blizow goes on the offensive and pulls Lady Venom's legs from out under her.
Lady Venom flips Bliz Blizow over and gets the pin.
In the post match commentary, Dirty Diana and Dana encourage future Amateur Female Jello Wrestlers from the crowd like "Sexy Slippery Sara", "Spacegirl", and "Slutzilla". Let's hope we see these and other future ladies in the ring.
(14) Tiger Lilly versus the Claw:
"Bring it on!" Tiger Lilly challenges the Claw in the pre-match commentary.
"I'll pluck you!" the Claw responds.
The arm lock up. The Claw goes for the hair pull. Tiger Lilly body slams the Claw. The Claw side slams Tiger Lilly. They roll around and they fall in the ring.
Tiger Lilly says that the Claw is a chicken and flaps her arms like a chicken. The Claw kicks jello at Tiger Lilly.
The Claw straightens her claw and gets Tiger Lilly. They break and resort to a jello throwing contest.
The Claw lunges toward Tiger Lilly. Tiger Lilly parries the blow and side slams the Claw. The Claw counters and goes for the side slam.
Tiger Lilly stays compact and pushes the Claw.
The Claw recovers and both wrestlers and stare each other down. I haven't seen this focus since the Rock versus HHH at Wrestlemania a few years ago.
Tiger Lilly clotheslines the Claw. They roll around.
The Claw applies an arm lock but Tiger Lilly somehow rolls out.
Both wrestlers fall to their knees
Dana cautions against an illegal head lock.
Both wrestlers rest for a second and then Tiger Lilly pushes the Claw. Chris "The Crippler" Benoit has competition as side slams abound. For "amateurs" on a slick surface in a much smaller ring, Amateur Female Jello Wrestlers kick arse.
The Claw goes for the feared Claw Lock. The Tank shudders in horror as he is still traumatized from the Intermission Interview.
Dana breaks the furious action with safety tips by Dana.
While the Claw faces the Tank, Tiger Lilly executes a rear small package.
Wow! This is the longest match of the night.
Tiger Lilly arm bars, head slams, and pins the Claw.
(15) Mistress Anesthesia versus Kahlua Spice:
Both wrestlers finger lock and then resort to the hair pull.
Mistress Anesthesia spanks Kahlua Spice. Kahlua Spice counters with the hair pull
Both wrestlers roll around. Mistress Anesthesia gets on top but no pin.
Both wrestlers rise from their knees to lock up again. Kahlua Spice throws Mistress Anesthesia. Well done!
Mistress Anesthesia reverses and wins.
(16) Snake Priestess versus Acid:
Moldover cranks the Police's "Every Breath You Take". As always, Moldover makes the appropriate musical choice.
Both wrestlers hops around and then arm lock.
Snake Priestess flips Acid. Acid goes for the hair pull.
Acid spanks Snake Priestess.
Snake Priestess pulls Acid's hair.
Acid flips Snake Priestess.
Acid rolls Snake Priestess into an attempted pin.
Snake Priestess rolls over Acid.
With the championship on the line, there is a safety briefing.
Acid rolls over Snake Priestess and gets the win.
In the post-match interview, the Snake Priestess says that she is coming back.
Dirty Diana asks Stephanie from Rotten Cherri if she will wrestle her next month.
(17) Tinkerbell versus Pan Asian Tiger:
Both ladies flex for the crowd.
"Pretty good!" Pan Asian Jungle replies in a thick Asian accent.
Tinkerbell hears the cheers from the crowd.
Both wrestlers roll around.
Tinkerbell gets Pan Asian Jungle on her stomach.
Pan Asian Jungle poses again.
Both wrestlers roll around and Pan Asian Jungle tries the innovative arse hold. (Extreme Championship Wrestling's Tommy "The Innovator of Violence" Dreamer has nothing on Pan Asian Jungle.)
Tinkerbell tries a leg slam but Pan Asian Jungle slides her off. Tinkerbell pulls Pan Asian Jungle as she screams. Tinkerbell tries a half nelson but Pan Asian Jungle kicks out.
Pan Asian Jungle recovers and pins Tinkerbell.
Tinkerbell attributes her loss to losing her wings.
(18) The Claw versus Lady Venom: Which intoxicated wrestler can win the match?
Lady Venom displayes her nervousness coming into the match because the Claw "is vicious".
As both wrestlers are groggy (drunk), the match gets off to a slow start. Lady Venom tries a side slam. They roll around. Lady Venom fixes her panty. Lady Venom tries a rear leg lock but the Claw kicks out.
Both wrestlers stagger to stand up. The Claw pulls Lady Venom's hair. The Tank knows all too well the power of the Claw. Mega ouch!
Lady Venom pushes the Claw down. The Claw somehow reverses. Both are close to choke holds.
Lady Venom gains the advantage, goes for the pin, and she wins.
The Claw cries in the post match interview but promises to be back.
(19) Princess Anesthesia versus Acid:
In the pre-match interview, Princess Anesthesia says she is having a flashback.
Acid gets off to a fast and flips Princess Anesthesia.
Princess Anesthesia gets back to her feet and takes Acid down. Acid kicks out of the attempted pin.
Both wrestlers roll around. Princess Anesthesia spanks Acid. Aroused, Acid slams Princess Anesthesia.
Acid tries for a leg lock. Princess Anesthesia somehow escapes and head slams Acid into the plastic kiddie pool.
A man in the back cries out that "I want my Acid."
Acid is emboldened by these cheers and applies a Korean martial arts leg pin on Princess Anesthesia. Ultimate Fighter Jim "The Athlete" MacDonald must be shuddering in fear of his female counterpart who is as technically proficient as he is.
Acid continues to crank up the heat with the new but effective vaunted arse pin introduced by Pan Asian Jungle.
Wow! Princess Anesthesia somehow kicks out.
Acid goes back on the offensive and rolls over Princess Anesthesia and spanks her own behind. Acid goes for the pin and gets a two count.
Taking a page out of Former First Lady Nancy Reagan, Princess Anesthesia tells the crowd to "Just say no!" to Acid and drugs. Fueled by clean living and Mrs. Reagan's advice, Princess Anesthesia somehow beats Acid.
In post match commentary, Acid says it was a "f*cking great" match. Princess Anesthesia feels "fantastic". Indeed, this was a classic match.
(20) Pan Asian Tiger versus Lady Venom:
Before the final semi-final, the Claw, Tiger Lilly, and Acid compete in a thumb wrestling contest. Acid wins the thumb wrestling contest and the final spot.
Lady Venom and Pan Asian Tiger get off to a fast start. Lady Venom takes the early advantage and rides Pan Asian Tiger like a bronco. (Hey, they don't hear Dirty Diana for nothing.)
Both wrestlers stand up. Pan Asian Tiger goes for the hair pull.
While Moldover cranks Led Zeppelin, Lady Venom rolls over Pan Asian Tiger and almost gets the pin. Lady Venom tries again and gets the pin. Lady Venom advances to the final.
(21) Championship Match: Princess Anesthesia versus Lady Venom.
Before the final match, Maxi Geil! & PlayColt take the stage to begin their performance.
Dana points out Princess Anesthesia's inventive electrical tape top. Amateur Female Jello Wrestlers are not only beautiful, they are brainy and creative.
Both wrestlers eye each other up and resort to jello throwing. Lady Venom asks aloud that how you get girls wet. I can't make this stuff up; this blog writes itself.
Both competitors fall to their knees and resort to a hair pull. Princess Anesthesia throws jello to Lady Venom's face.
The glitterized dancers take the stage.
Lady Venom resorts to the old jello down the pants trick.
Lady Venom reverses and mounts Princess Anesthesia. Princess Anesthesia kicks out.
Undeterred, Lady Venom tries again for the pin and is the February Champion of Amateur Female Jello Wrestling.
As the band played on, the Tank made a mental note that he needs backup dancers like this for his next karaoke performance.
News and Notes:
Captain Zorikh and the DoomMaidens will appear at the following events:
February 23-25: The NY Comic Con.
March 17 and 18: FemWin.com
If you ever have a chance to talk to Captain Zorikh, he is a pretty interesting guy and a friend of comedic legend Joe Franklin.
Posted by the Tank from Don Hills in Tribeca.
Friday, February 16, 2007
The King Returns to the Yankees
Jim "The King" Leyritz returns to the Yankees in a broadcast capacity for home games and some road games like the Red Sox for ESPN 1050 AM. The Tank is psyched is always a very knowledgeable and quotable guy.
On his debut Thursday afternoon on the Michael Kaye show, Leyritz pulled no punches openly discussing John Amaechi, steroids, and of course the Yankees.
The King confirmed Tank's suspicions about Mariano's public demand for a contract because of the Bernie Williams situation. Regarding Mariano, "they are going to pay you if you are doing your job."
As Bernie was in great shape this season, Leyritz said the Yankees should have given Bernie a one year, one million dollar contract, and bring him to Spring Training. If it didn't work out, then he could bow out more gracefully than being offered a minor league deal.
Leyritz noted that Bernie could go to another teammate like former great players like Paul Molitor, Dwight Evans, and Eddie Murray who played with one team for most of their careers and then went elsewhere. I hope Yankees management comes to their senses and brings back Bernie.
Posted by the Tank in NY.
Thursday, February 15, 2007
Knicks Stumble into All Star Break
The Knicks had a 1-2 so-so West Coast roadtrip. The Knicks should have beaten the Jazz but blew a 10 point lead and lost in overtime this past Saturday.
The Knicks beat the team they shouldn't have, the Lakers, thanks to a great defensive performance by David Lee against Lamar Odom. ESPN's 1050 AM Mike Mansielli screwed up again by wanting to trade a good young player. Who would he bring in? Ron Artest. Yeah, the same Ron Artest who fought in the crowd in Auburn Hills. The same multi-millionaire Ron Artest who neglects feeding his own dogs. As much as I want Artest to succeed as a basketball player, hip-hop artist, and person, the spotlight of the Knicks and the temptations of being back home in the City would probably be a bad combination.
The Knicks were routed Wednesday night by former coach Don Nelson who is now coaching the Golden State Warriors. Winning back to back games is tough.
The Knicks have almost a week to rest and get ready for the stretch run. To make the playoffs, they are going to have to overtake two of the following three teams: Nets, Heat, and Magic. The Nets and Magic are vulnerable with their injuries while the Heat are getting their coach and some key players back so I don't think the Knicks will overtake them. The Knicks have enough head-to-head games against the Nets and Magic to overtake them. Will they? The first week until late February - early March will greatly influence their fate.
All things being equal, the Knicks did equal their 2005-2006 win total, 23, by beating the Lakers Tuesday evening. They have 29 games remaining to extend that total and make a playoff run.
Posted by The Tank in NY.
Wednesday, February 14, 2007
Valentine's Day Perspective
As much as life sometimes hurts, you have to be honest with God, your friends/family, and yourself. Though not for a lack of trying, Valentine's Day has never been a good holiday for the Tank. The following reasons summarize my experiences and feelings about Valentine's Day:
(2) Since I am Eastern Orthodox Christian, I believe in a real saint, Saint Tryphon (pronounced TREE-foon), not a Hallmark Holiday like Valentine's Day. Saint Tryphon's Day is also celebrated on February 14 (February 1 on the Julian/Old Calendar). Saint Tryphon is the patron saint of farmers, gardeners, and wine growers. For all you wine connoisseurs, Saint Tryphon is your patron saint.
While at friends of the family's house for their patron saint (Saint Tryphon's Day) 1999 or 2000, I sat down after a long day of work and started to eat some delicious soup. Before my second spoonful of soup, this total stranger started asking me if married. I replied no and he criticized me for not being so. I breathed deeply, stared at him like who-the-heck-are-you, but kept my cool. This was difficult to answer because I wanted to be honest as I wanted to marry either of the daugthers in that same house including one, Z, that double-crossed me in 1996. Anyway, by the end of the night, the guy kind of confessed that he was in a bad marriage and apologized for taking it on me. We all ended up watching basketball and let by-gones be by-gones.
Coincidentally, my paternal grandfather was a farmer and wine grower and was born on Saint Tryphon's Day. I never got to meet Grandpa while he was alive but hope to meet him someday in Heaven, R.I.P. Grandpa.
(3) Valentine's Day 2005 was pretty painful as my date canceled that afternoon but at least she had the courtesy to call. By covering for Brooklyn Brian who had a date but had to cover after Kelvin called out, I made "lemons into lemonade" as Medford Bob says. I hope to cash in that good karma in some day. I used the time to catch up on some work and made some overtime just before my trip later to Antarctica later that week where I met Steve, Linda, and the rest of Antarcticamaniacs.
(4) Valentine's Day 2003 was more dangerous than painful. I wanted to date someone in the weeks leading up to Valentine's Day but disappointed that it didn't work out. That was the least of my problems. As I was riding to work that fateful day, my D (now Q) train was stopped at Parkside Avenue because of "electrical problems" at the next stop, Prospect Park. I was about 45 minutes late to work and really pissed off. I found out later from my roommate and NYC Subway Motorman, MTA Ray, that the "electrical problem" was really a "b*mb scare". No one was hurt thank God.
(5) Valentine's Day 2007. I was hoping to go out with a friend from Church but she had to travel to San Francisco for business at the last minute. I asked a couple of other lady friends that I know if they wanted to go out as friends but one is spending time with her uncle who is dying of cancer and spending his final days in hospice. Another lady friend's brother died in a fire the other day and she is still mourning his passing. I have had women who haven't wanted to go out with me before but this is so next level if they are pulling my leg. In a couple of weeks, I can imagine hearing "And the Oscar for the woman who doesn't want to go out with the Tank..." Seriously, they both seemed sincere and hope they aren't pulling a "Terrell Owens overdose" while his publicist happened to be at his house. My prayers are with them and their families.
Not wanting to risk causing any more tragedy, I am not going to ask anyone else out. I am trying to sell my Rod Stewart Valentine's Day tickets at Madison Square Garden (Section 310, Row D, Seats 9 and 10, $99.50 each, face value, if you are interested). The tickets aren't cursed, I am. Since I couldn't go to Rod Stewart's February 8 concert because I had to cover for Dominican Luis and I can't make the February 21 concert because I am out of town on vacation, I bought a single backup ticket a couple of hours ago as I have never seen Rod Stewart in concert. The show must go on because you never know how many years he going to be touring.
For all the heartache I have shared with you, I think I am destined to get into the relationship advice business. I can offer more perspective than Dr. Phil, Dr. John Gray (AKA the Mars/Venus Idiot), eHarmony.com, etc. I can help heal the world. Like the aforementioned, I may even be able to monetize this pain. I have to talk to Steve about setting up the premium part of the site. Please keep watching this space for more relationship advice. To paraphrase former President Clinton, "The Tank has felt your pain (and then some)."
As Cubs fans always say, there's always next year. For those of you who observe Valentine's Day and/or Saint Tryphon's Day today, enjoy! Happy Chinese New Year!
Posted by the Tank in NY.
Tuesday, February 13, 2007
Extend Mariano's Contract Now
The Tank was shocked to read and hear that the Yankees have yet to extend the contract of the best reliever of all time, Mariano Rivera. Mariano has one more year on his contract but asked for an extension. Why did the quiet and always well behaved Mariano ask for extension? Who else are the Yankees going to sign? Promote Kyle Farnsworth? Sign Brandon Looper? Please God no.
Was it the way the Yankees treated Bernie Williams? The Tank is very hurt and insulted by how the Yankees treated Bernie who came through in last year in the clutch. If Bernie had an off year in 2006, I could understand. Do the Yankees need two first basemen in addition to Giambi? Having one caddie is bad enough, but two?
Speaking of Mariano, Stephen A. Smith of ESPN 1050 AM's has a new noontime co-host, Mike Masanielli. Masanielli had the temerity to question Mariano's greatness earlier today. Even with elbow issues (because of the most innings he pitched), who is a better closer than Mo? Why did ESPN 1050 hire this clown? The Tank believes in free speech but is Mike on drugs or blind? Even Stephen A. gave Mike a chance to recant and apologize but he didn't.
Stephen A. should bring back Gordan Damer who transformed from a middle aged New Jersey golfer into the next big hip hop star in a matter of weeks. If Jay Z signed Gordan to his label, then Stephen A. should get Brendan Tierney back. However, BT is doing a great job doing Knicks pre and post game, Saint John's basketball, and his own 7 to 10 p.m. shift.
There is only one logical candidate left, SteveAndTheTank.com. As Steve wants to overthrow Steve Phillips, the Tank wants Masanielli to resign or be fired.
Posted by the Tank in NY.
Monday, February 12, 2007
Syracuse Beats Saint John's; 9 Feet of Snow in Oswego
The Tank's sports withdrawal was aided yesterday by Syracuse's incredible 76-74 victory over Saint John's at the Carrier Dome in Syracuse. This is the toughest week of the year as (1) football is over, (2) baseball has yet to begin, (3) Valentine's Day is Wednesday (more then), and (4) it's the coldest week of the year.
Syracuse's victory was as big boost to their March Madness bid and to the Tank's spirits. Speaking of Syracuse, my thoughts and prayers are with my former Central New York team handball (Empire State Games and club) teammates just north of Syracuse in Oswego.
You may have heard that Oswego received over nine feet of snow a few days ago. In the mid 1990s, I traveled through Parrish, Mexico, and other hardhit towns. I hope the white stuff doesn't melt too quickly to cause flooding and soil erosion. Though a way's from the City's water table, properly melted snow in Oswego also helps reservoirs refill for the upcoming summer season.
Posted by the Tank in the City but whose heart is in Upstate (AKA "Appalachia" according to Governor Spitzer) NY.
Sunday, February 11, 2007
Knicks Lose a Heartbreaker to the Jazz
The Knicks had a great opportunity to equal their win total from last season, 23. They had a ten point lead against the Utah Jazz last night but lost in overtime 104-102.
In the post game press conference, Knicks Coach had "no comment" according to the soundbite the Tank heard early this morning on ESPN 1050. The Tank is also very disappointed and will end my commentary here before going over the edge.
Posted by a dejected Tank in NY.
Saturday, February 10, 2007
One Week to Pitchers and Catchers!
It's the hardest week of the year as the NFL season officially ends tonight with the Pro Bowl (for me as I try to extend the season as long as possible), Valentine's Day is on Wednesday (more on that next week), and then onto pitchers and catchers. It's sports withdrawal and anticipation at their most pronounced. A true emotional roller coaster. Stay tuned.
Posted by an anxious Tank in NY.
 MLB | NFL
 Saturday, February 10, 2007 12:20:33 PM (Eastern Standard Time, UTC-05:00)
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Friday, February 09, 2007
Farewell to Friends and Colleagues
Friday marked my final day with my current company. After almost nine years, it was difficult to say goodbye so I said farewell to friends and colleagues.
I especially want to thank those most supportive and understanding of SteveAndTheTank.com at work, i.e. Director Steve, Maria, Daniel, Gil, and Medford Bob amongst others. At Friday's farewell party, I was awed by Candace's framed Yankees jersey. It was signed by my friends including "Go Mets" by Jeff. It's all good as I hope to get Subway Series closure this season.
The Tank is an alter ego to my regular personality which is also misunderstood at times. It is not negative or dark, just more crazy and fun loving, letting my receding hair down while I still have it. Even though the Bears lost, Rex Grossman is still getting my restoration bill. Because of Grossman's inconsistent play, even professional prognosticators like Brandon Lang is like 3-15 in Bears games this season. (Lang is an excellent handicapper as he is 16-0-2 in the past 18 Super Bowls according to a recent interview on ESPN 1050 AM.)
SteveAndTheTank.com is a good way to convey my sports passion in written form which I already do to anyone who will listen to me vent when I am walking around working and talking about sports. I am grateful for the artistic freedom.
To quote Morrissey in the Smiths' classic song "There Is A Light That Never Goes Out", "...the pleasure, the privilege, has been mine."
Best wishes for happiness and health to all.
Posted by a grateful Tank in NY.
Thursday, February 08, 2007
San Diego Rich Meets Baseball Hall of Fame Announcer Jerry Coleman
Since I work evenings, I listen to Yankee and Met games on the radio via MLB.com. It is the best $14.95 I spend every year. After the Yankee and Met games are over, I normally turn the dial to the late games broadcast on San Diego's XPRS Radio to listen to Baseball Hall of Fame Announcer Jerry Coleman. Fans of Yankee history should remember him from the great Yankee teams of the 1950s and his announcer days with the Yankees afterwards. After his playing days, he moved back to California to broadcast for the California Angels and then became an institution for "my San Diego Padres" as he often exclaims. His enthusiasm for baseball and life are infectious.
Mr. Coleman was also part of the "Greatest Generation" serving America in WWII and Korea. He is truly a great American and should be honored and respected for his service to America and baseball.
Without further ado, please find San Diego Rich, his friend Scott, and Mr. Coleman's photo below:
Mega thanks to San Diego Rich for the photo and permission to post it by the Tank in NY.
Wednesday, February 07, 2007
San Diego Rich Meets Greg Maddux
As some of you know, the Tank is close friends with San Diego Rich as we are big Beatles, baseball, and football fans. San Diego Rich and the Tank are also fellow marathon runners.
San Diego Rich has sent me photos with Adam Sandler, former California Governor Gray Davis, and other luminaries over the past few years. He was kind of enough to share this priceless photo with none other than the Greg "The Professor" Maddux. The Tank was fortunate enough to see the Professor pitch for the Cubs against the Washington Nationals a couple of years ago on my birthday road trip weekend to DC.
Without further ado, please find San Diego Rich and new Padres pitcher Greg Maddux with the beautiful San Diego skyline in the background.
San Diego Rich reports that The Professor is the coolest and nicest guy (right after San Diego Rich of course).
If you ever have a chance to meet San Diego Rich, tell him "Ringo (Starr) Rules" and he'll know you know the Tank.
Until next time, San Diego Rich, Greg Maddux, and Ringo Rule!
Mega thanks to San Diego Rich for the photo and permission to post it by the Tank in NY.
Tuesday, February 06, 2007
Knicks Hanging in There
During a brief check of Tuesday's scores, the Tank was pleased to learn that the Knicks beat the LA Clippers at the Garden. The Clippers are 24-24 and the 7th seed in the Western Conference.
If the Knicks are going to make the playoffs, the Clippers are a quality team that they need to beat. Though the Knicks aren't .500 (yet), they are 22-28. With one more win, the Knicks will have equaled their entire win total for last season, 23.
Furthermore, the Knicks are only two games out of the 8th seed in the Eastern Conference.
Posted by The Tank in NY.
Monday, February 05, 2007
Super Bowl XLI
Before the game started, the Crew in Tampa (Robert, Detroit Dale, Doug, Tommy, CPA Dan, The Tank, Jim and his wife Mary Jane) gathered at Robert's house in Tampa to watch to the Big Game.
Just before kickoff, Detroit Dale and I dubbed Dallas Clark as a key player to watch. We also yelled at the TV to kick away from Bears Pro Bowl returner Devin Hester who returned the opening kickoff to claim the early 7-0 lead.
The rain caused five turnovers, a mishandled snap on an extra point and field goal marked an exciting first half but the Colts had a 16-14 lead.
During the game, there were many humorous ads and these were SOME of my favorite ads:
Funniest:
Bud Light "No Speak English" (I don't like the beer but their ads are entertaining)
E*Trade Bank Robbery
Monster.com ads
Classiest:
African American "We All Are Winning" (Nod to Coaches Tony Dungy and Lovie Smith)
Network Plug:
CSI - How many CSIs are there anyway? When will CBS pick up SteveAndTheTank.com CSI?
Miscellaneous:
I never have and have no plans to ever use a Revlon product but I love Sheryl Crow whatever venue she is in. I saw her at Woodstock 1999. She's a great singer and even more beautiful in person than on TV.
Despite the rain, Prince's Halftime Show was a medley of his and others classics. Florida A&M University's Marching 100 did a great job of playing along. Of course, Prince closed with his classic "Purple Rain" as the rain poured down.
Thanks to Rex Grossman's second half interceptions, the Colts thankfully pulled away in the second half and won the game 29-17. The Tank was most happy for the Colts, Coach Tony Dungy, QB Peyton Manning, GM Bill Polian, and long suffering fans like my brother Milan.
The Tank is also happy that my pre-season prediction of the Colts came true (thank God and touch wood) as well as close to the final score of 27-21, off only by a total of six points, 29-17. I now have a rare moment of closure.
Posted by Steve in Cairo for The Tank in Tampa, Florida.
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