The Ohio State Buckeyes advanced to the NCAA Final Monday night against the winner of the Florida - UCLA game.  Florida is leading and it is late in the game.

Since the Tank is travelling and at a friend's house, I have to blog now.  Thanks to Columbus Craig for the halftime text message.  Basketball condolences to Linda who had the Hoyas winning it all.  (Shame on you Linda!)  Good luck to you and your other colleagues winning your office pool.

Posted by the Travelling Tank in Las Vegas, Nevada.

The Mets held auditions to sing the national anthem, the Star Spangled Banner, at the SportsNet New York studios this afternoon. 

Since the Tank is a patriot and an extremely gifted singer, he decided to audition.  The Tank wanted to audition as the American Idol age discrimination is 30 and I am 36.  The Tank wanted to audition to preserve and protect freedom of speech and the right to sing, especially those over 30.

When the Tank arrived around 12:30 pm during my lunch break, there was a really long line pictured below (which I couldn't get all of because it went around the SportsNet New York building).

Until next year, I literally have to go back to my day job. 

Posted by a dismayed but determined Tank in NY.

The Knicks lost a great opportunity to make up ground in the Eastern Conference playoff race as they lost to the Orlando Magic 94-89 Monday night at the Garden. 

The Knicks missed 14 of 37 free throws.  An uncalled goaltending on Starbury late in the game didn't help matters either.

At 30-40, the Knicks are 2.5 games behind Orlando for the seventh playoff spot and 2.0 games behind New Jersey for the final playoff spot.

The Knicks are mathematically alive and have key divisional matchups against the Nets and Raptors.  I don't see the Knicks overtaking the Raptors but anything is possible.

If the Knicks don't close strong, they will have early tee times at the end of the regular season.

Posted by the Tank in NY.

The Tank watched one of the biggest meltdowns ever Sunday afternoon at the Meadowlands.  The North Carolina Tar Heels had an 11 point lead in the second half including 10 points with six minutes to go in regulation.

The Tar Heels took shots with too much time left on the shot clock.  They couldn't rebound to save their lives and were 2 of their last 22 shots including overtime.  Georgetown tied the game at 81 to force the game into overtime.  Georgetown took over in overtime and won 96-84.   

Instead of having three out of four teams in the Final Four, the Tank only has two, Ohio State and Florida.  I also have to put with my arch-nemisis, Georgetown, in the Final Four.  I will retriple my efforts to root for Ohio State in the National Semifinal.

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Sunday night was also the last show of George Michael's Sports Machine.  Thanks George for 27 great years of sports memories.  You will be missed!  

Posted by the Tank in NY.

 

It has been widely reported that the University of Kentucky is aggresively pursuing Florida Coach Billy Donovan. 

The Tank spoke to a well placed Kentucky source last night who informed him that Donovan is seriously considering the job.  Kentucky is one of the best jobs in the land and Donovan would be hard pressed to pass on it.  However, Donovan is building a great program at Florida and really likes living in Gainesvillle with his family.  For instance, Donovan lives next door to one of his closest friends, fellow football championship coach Urban Meyer.

Will the Kentucky job distract Donovan from his mission of repeating as defending their national championship?  Probably not but every little bit counts.  One thing is certain, Donovan will be much richer in a few weeks as Kentucky will make him an offer he can't refuse or Florida will sweeten the pot for him to stay.

Watch SteveAndTheTank.com for updates on this and other stories.

Posted by the Tank in NY.  

If it is the second Sunday of the month, then it must be time for the world's premier sports SATIRE, Amateur Female Jello Wrestling.  Amateur Female Jello Wrestling is not your father's wrestling nor your mother's feminism.  It has to be seen live to be believed. 

Tonight's Jello Wrestling celebrates Saint Patrick's Day in a unique way featuring Captain Zorikh as Uncle Sam.  Uncle Sam is a throw way back to anti-Irish 19th century Nativist "Know Nothing" discrimination.  Captain Zorikh manages Border Patrol (AKA Jolie Voltaire) inspired by the 21st Century Minutemen.  Captain Zorikh and Border Patrol intend to keep the "Irish out of America."

 

(5) Tater Tot versus Thunder Bunny:
                                                          
Tater Tot overcomes her height disadvantage to beat the much taller Thunder Bunny. 

Hey people, I can't make up these names.

(6) Slippery Stasia loses to Bush Buster:

Bush Buster takes off her mask as she enters the ring and takes it to Slippery Stasia.

In her victory speech, Bush Buster feels good about the war.  She is pictured struting her stuff below.  Will Bush Buster become America's secret weapon in the War On Terror?

(7) One Quarter Irish Potato of Power versus Leprachonelly:

Her Majesty (AKA the Italian Princess of Power) sheds her 100 percent Italian skin to be 1/4 Irish only for the day.  Regardless of her favorite ethnic carbohydrate (Italian pasta or Irish potato), Her Majesty's loyal subjects accompany her to every corner of the globe.

The One Quarter Irish Potato of Power loses a hard fought match to Leprachonelly.  "She peeled me," Her Majesty exclaims. 

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Tonight's wrestling invasion angle is championed by the stage group "F*ckplays" which is a series of plays about well you know.   

Tickets for Jello Wrestling and F*ckplays are available through SmartTickets.  The cast of "F*ckplays" is pictured below:

"Will there be audience participation?" a young lady behind me asks.  The Tank certainly hopes so. 

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(8) The Titilater versus The Naughty Leprachaun:

The Naughty Leprauchan gets the win.

(9) The Jungle Girl versus Joycee Winks:

Joyce Winks win. 

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Sunday, April 15, is the date of the next Amateur Female Jello Wrestling at Don Hill's.  Even if you procrastinte in filing your taxes, remember that Monday is the Patriot's Day Holiday in Massachusetts so New Yorkers should have until Tuesday, April 17, at midnight to file.  Please double check with your accountant (especially those who live in Jersey and others states are due on Monday, April 16) -- don't blame it on the Tank because he already filed his taxes. 

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(10) Pink Lightning versus the Whoop Ass Waitress:

Whup Ass Waitress promises to serve "humble pie" to Pink Lightning.  Pink Lightning gets the last laugh and a close pin.

(11) Wholly Crotch versus the Claw:

This is a different Claw from last month but she gets the win.

(12) Squeeze-it O'Shannon versus Minxie: Spanking on the line.  Does anyone really lose in these matches?  The Tank and our readers are winners regardless of who gets the pin.

Minxie gets the win.

(13) The Bush Buster loses to Cowpoke U in the Cooter:       

(14) Eliza Do Me loses to the Titilater:

(15) Spankie Pants versus Pink Lightning:

Employing the Jedi Mind Trick, Spankie Pants wins with the Jedi Mind Trick.   

(16) Licorice Whip loses to Wholly Croch.

(17) The Naughty Leprachaun versus Thunder Bunny:

Thunder Bunny using her height advantage to pin the Naughty Leprauchan.

(18) Tata McClutzky beats Spankie Pants.

(19) Katie McChaos versus Leprachonelly:

Squeezit O'Shannon cautions both wrestlers to wrestle as an exhibition only as the Irish Brigade needs to conserve its strength to beat the Border Patrol.

Leprachonelly gets the pin and says it was "slippery Irish Fun indeed".

(20) Whoop Ass Waitress loses to Slippery Stasia.

(21) Squeezit O'Shannon versus Border Patrol: The best one on one match of the night. 

Squeezit O'Shannon tries to defend the honor of the Fighting Irish and take Border Patrol down.  Uncle Sam clenches his teeth in anticipation of deporting an Irishwoman.  Veronica Vicious announces the action.

Both ladies wrestle back and worth and Squeezit O'Shannon gets the pin. 

In post match commentary, Uncle Sam claims Squeezit O'Shannon won illegally as she did when she entered the country.  The Irish Brigade has heard enough and takes it out on Border Patrol. 

This is an unsanctioned match.  All Doom Maidens are in the ring and Uncle Sam is pulled into the ring.  Some guys have all the luck. 

Uncle Sam tries to escape.  Escape?  The Tank would never leave the ring with four beautiful athletic women.  Not on your life. 

 

(22) Tater Tot versus Bush Buster:

Tater Tot wins.

In her post-match interview, Bush Buster still believes in Corporate America and family values. 

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There is a promo for Co-ed Disco Crisco Twister is Fem Win with the Doom Maidens (Border Patrol and the Irish Brigade) and Captain Zorikh (Uncle Sam) are pictured below. 

As DJ Scientific plays Depeche Mode's "Strangelove", there are also drawings for the F*ckplays prizes including used vaseline (raffle ticket # 120), condoms and chocolates (raffle ticket # 30), free ticket (raffle ticket # 137), four hours of house cleaning (raffle ticket # 37), coffee, condoms, and free tickets (raffle ticket # 36), and Jack Daniels (raffle ticket #  129). 

--------
(22) Jungle Girl versus One Quarter Irish Potato of Power:

Her Majesty returns to her wrestling glory and beats Jungle Girl. 

--------

As we go to break before the championship matches, Kelly Buchanan takes the stage as the next musical guest.  Singer songwriters are a dying breed and Kelly does her best to keep it alive.

Bottom Line: There is no pin but the Mother and Founder of Jello Wrestling, Dana Sterling, declares everyone a winner.  Who can argue with that?  Happy Saint Patrick's Day!

Posted by the Tank in NY.

Andy Pettitte was brilliant yesterday giving up one run in five innings yesterday.  Carl Pavano got the loss which is not great but it is a miracle that he is pitching, touch wood, given his injuries over the past few years.

Two weeks until Opening Day.  Woooooooo!!!!

Posted by the Tank in NY.

The Tank's March Madness bracket was almost busted when the Ohio State Buckeyes almost lost to Xavier in regulation.  The Buckeyes were down by nine points, 59-50, with three minutes to go.  They miraculously rallied when senior Ron Lewis sank a clutch three pointer to tie the game and send it to overtime.

The Buckeyes rolled in overtime and won 78-71.  The Tank sent updates and congratulatory messages to Buckeyes fan extraordinaire "Columbus Craig" Wanner. 

At the advice of the Tank's psychiatrist, cardiologist, and other medical advisors, the Tank needs the Buckeyes to get big leads early, hold them, and keep all world center Greg Oden out of foul trouble. 

Posted by a relieved but exhausted Tank in NY.

Posted by the Tank in NY.

 

The Doom Maidens are New Yorks foremost team of action-oriented females. They use wrestling, martial arts, and swordfighting as a vehicle to make money and have fun!

http://www.doommaidens.com

jolievoltaire@yahoo.com

 

 

Posted by a grateful Tank in NY.

The Tank wants you to win your March Madness Pool so you can make money and be the talk of your office.
 
When selecting your teams, please note the following:
                                                                                 
(1) Factor in upsets.  There are inevitably upsets.  Exception: No #1 seed has ever lost though Albany almost beat UConn last year.  The 7 through 10 seeds are pretty even so look at matchups, previous history, etc.  Upsets often happen in a #5 versus #12 or #6 versus #13 game.

(2) If you can fill out multiple entries, please do so as follows in descending order if you are allowed up to five -- some places only allow one while others allows two or three:

(A) Favorites Sheet: Go with the higher seeds;                
(B) Favorites Sheet with a couple of upsets;
(C) Upset Special: Take a flyer on a couple of teams you think will make a run, ie Winthrop repeating George Mason's run to the Final Four last year.  Be careful about Winthrop because everything is keying on them afraid of getting George Masoned;
(D) Shopping / Mascot Special: There is someone in your office who doesn't know or care about sports but usually wins the pool.  S(h)e will choose their picks based upon the best college town or area to shop and/or they think a mascot is cute.  This person doesn't know or care about RPI, strength or schedule, match-ups, etc.  They don't lose hair or sleep like the Tank asking God who will win.
(E) Dartboard Special: This often works in stocks so tape your sheet to a dartboard, throw some darts, and send in your picks.
        
I plan to post more specific picks in the next couple of days.
                         
Mutual Fund Legalese Disclaimer: Past performance is not indicative of future performance.  For instance, Christian Laettner's last second shot in 1991 won a college pool I was entered in.  I was tied for second and in third place in a 2006 office pool which would have made $200+ if UConn and/or Villanova made the Final Four.  Definitely in the money had they not choked.

Good luck, have fun, and enjoy the Madness!

Posted by The Tank in NY.

The Tank is numbed at Syracuse being left out of the Dance. 
     
Like many analysts, I thought the win over UConn clinched a tournament bid for my beloved Orangemen.

Drexel, Air Force, and Syracuse were among the worthy teams that were left out.  Yes, there is a great deal of parity as 104 teams won 20 plus games this season.  This is the challenge is the Selection Committee faces every year.
                                                           
Troubleshooting: If you are going to have one play-in game of FAMU versus Niagara on Tuesday, you might as well have four.  This is a way to get more worthy teams into the Dance without expanding it to 96 or 128 teams which the Tank wouldn't mind.

Are Syracuse, Drexel, and Air Force less deserving than Penn, FAMU, and Niagara amongst other automatic bids from lesser known conferences?  Not on your life. 

Thanks to all for their thoughts and prayers during this difficult time.  Basketball condolences to all whose teams didn't make it, especially Syracuse friends and family. 

Posted by a depressed Tank in NY.

Friday's Big East Conference Tournament semi-final presented the penultimate dilemma for the Tank.  Who to root for?  Georgetown or Notre Dame?

I can't root for Georgetown as I am die-hard Syracuse fan.  The rivalry ran so deep that I could NOT root for the Knicks from 1985 until 1999 since Patrick Ewing played for Georgetown.  I finally let that anger go in 1999 when Ewing's career ended with the Knicks and LJ sunk the four point play on June 5, 1999.  Linda may have not understood the deepness of the rivalry until PermaGuest Outlaw Jack's girlfriend, Michelle, confirmed her similar anti-Georgetown feelings later Friday evening with "Friends don't let friends go to Georgetown" in addition to other unprintable quotes.

I can't root for Notre Dame because they beat Syracuse on Thursday.  Furthermore, I didn't attend but was offered admission to the University of Miami ("The U").  Miami was a fierce football rival of Notre Dame so I have more reasons not to root for Notre Dame.  The Catholics versus the Convicts was one of the best storylines in college football of all time, especially the 1980s.
                              
To paraphrase Vladimir Lenin's "What Is To Be Done?", Who should the Tank root for?  

Neither team which is a first in any sport from baseball to cricket.  I only went to the game because Linda had never been to a live college basketball game or I would have sold the tickets.  Her theory of basketball is that the final five minutes of the game are most watchable proved true.  I didn't watch the game except for the last minute of the first half and the last five or six minutes of the second half except for taking the photo below.
                                                                    
I regaled (or bored) her with college basketball stories and trivia.  For instance, the Tank's team at Jim Boeheim's Basketball Camp won the Camp Championship in 1985.  This one of the highlights of the Tank's life as our group of hustling overachievers won the Camp Championship on the very same floor as the Orangemen play on.  During that same Camp, I also met then Philadelphia 76er Charles Barkley.  Since the Tank didn't play in a band, this was his "Band Camp".  Priceless memories

Four short years later in March 1989, the Tank ran onto the court after the Billy Owens led Orangemen beat Alonzo Mourning and the Georgetown Hoyas. 

I was psyched to learn that Linda is a distant relative of Saint John's Hall of Fame Coach, Lou Carnesecca.  How cool is that?!

Back to the game, the Hoyas were down as many as 14, 35-21, in the first half.  I put my glasses on in the second half and watched them rally.  The game went back and fourth in the second half.  Ewing's son, Patrick Junior, played well including a nice touch on some shots that many Knicks fans wished his dad had more of.                   

Notre Dame tied it late at 78-78 but Georgetown pulled out the victory 84-82.

Posted by the Tank from the world's Greatest Arena, Madison Square Garden, in NY.

 

 

Jack reported that Syracuse was toying with the Huskies for the last five minutes of the game.  Just the news the Tank wanted to hear. 

Mega thanks to Jack for sharing the photos!  Please send your March Madness Memories to Steve or the Tank.